What do you think of my nephew's decision?

Question

I was talking to my nephew recently, and he told me about his relationship with a man who he considers both his father-figure and mentor. His biological father is emotionally absent. Anyway, this mentor makes a lot of promises to him that he is not able to carry out because of his busy schedule. My nephew very much needs him, but rarely has an opportunity to be with him. My nephew is thinking of disassociating himself, although it will hurt him, from his father-figure. He says that he can't take any more let-downs. What do you think of his decision? By the way, my nephew is in his late teen years.

Answer 1

I truly believe disassociation is the right thing.  It wouldn't be pleasant but it will be best I think.  I recently had to do something of the same nature and after two weeks of being without that friendship, I am doing well.  I feel a lot better.  I honestly think it's a good idea for the nephew.

Answer 2

It's a pretty smart decision on his part, because he doesn't need the let-downs.

Answer 3

Yes, letting go of his mentor will hurt him. But many more let-downs and disappointments will probably hurt him more in the long run. Either way he'll get hurt, so he should stop it now before it goes too far. I think he made the right decision.  

Answer 4

If he hasn't already, maybe you could encourage your nephew to have a 'heart to heart' talk with his 'father-figure'

Maybe your nephew could tell him how he feels about always being let down, they may be able to come to an arrrangement whereby his father-figure doesn't make promises he can't keep ~ maybe this man just needs to hear this from your nephew.

But it's really your nephews decision, if he's in his late teens, he's old enough to make these kinds of decisions himself. Maybe you could encourage your nephew to take a bit longer in the decision, tell him to think it over carefully as a rash decision may not be the best.

Answer 5

I think that he needs to be with someone he can trust. Staying in this relationship may hurt him later in life.

May he should try one of those Big Brother relationships. They have those kind of things at your local Community Center.

Answer 6

Noo! dont let him disassociate with him

In fact, I have this relationship, cause I didn't have a dad which I think is what started this relationship in the first place, I always had that need to search for a father figure in my life, someone to look up to. But anyways, your nephew shouldnt expect everything to be perfect, try to understand how busy his mentor really is. I know its hard, this happened to me recently actually. My supervisor disappointed me big time and I was thinking that maybe he doesnt care about me and I too was thinking of just cutting him off. I was really hurt cause I adored him so much. But in a little while, I just started thinking everything he did for me,little things such as asking me 'how I was doing' on a daily basis, in a sincere way too. I know he cares about me. I just thought that there's no way he doesn't care about me. So what I did was I gave my supervisor a phone call the next day, and I told him not to buy lunch. I brought him lunch and everything was good, he even told me he's buying next time and he did :DD

Just know that there are boundaries and don't give him up, when it works out, its truly rewarding

To be honest, ever since I met my supervisor, I have never again felt that need to search for a father figure and it was really nice

Anyways I hope it works out :) best wishes