What do you think of my new trigee Dondi?

Question

How is the meter and rhyme in this Trigee?

Expired before…………...I drank my first drink,

Its use by date…............withered and worn,

Liver transplanted…........within an hour,

I celebrate………………..I was gone.

Answer 1

That is pretty funny and it sounds like the meter is on at least to me! Will help you get some expert advise by staring this for you!!Cheers!!

Answer 2

slight meter glitch in s1 l3 and s2 l4, but as a first effort, I gave you a star.  It's hard to do and make all 3 parts become a metered rhyming poem individually and together.  I hope you practice and do more.

Answer 3

Meters great. The poem itself is very creative and sad. Well done.