What do you think of my peom Trigee?

Question

This one I previously posted before in the wrong section.

I made this up after watching an add on t.v. text to find out your lovers name; Which I think is rediculous and sorry for anyone that believes in it. Just my opinion.

TRIGEE: The Trigee is a three-in-one poem. They are built by combining two short poems into a third large one by stringing the lines together. The left stanza is read first, the right stanza second, then the combined lines make the third poem.

Again, there are no rhyme and meter requirements.

I received a new phone. ………………..I wrote a text message

So I called a little Gnome ……………... …To find my true love

Would you be alright? ………………… I received a reply

I’ll be over tonight. ……………… …….That his name was Alfie

I saw a psychic………………. …………I’ll receive a phone call,

She said to me…………………….. ……From a guy named Paul,

That I’ll find my true love……………. ...For we’ll be together,

My destiny……………………………… Forever we’ll sour

What a waste of a call………… Smashed against wall,

As my lover is Paul………………. Shattered in pieces,

What happened to Alfie………………. Watching it fall,

As I sat and I sigh………………………… upon my floor.

Answer 1

1) most people don't want to read endless acounts of people's hurt, rejection, and loneliness - you really need to understand this..

2)  it's better if you view poetry as from an outsider taking a picture with a camera - but use words instead of camera and film.

3) the 2nd half of the last one is a good start, but it wasn't enough to where you knew where you were going with it.  you need to do more work on this.  or start over.  

4)  the form is interesting, but the way you phrased things wasn't very creative or original.  But it's a good idea.

Answer 2

Put my vote in for the first one , I really loved it!  The next 2 weren't as good but you sure put your all in to this, don't you ! Keep up the good work, and I see you have written another, will be off now so I can go read it ! LOL  Cheers!!

Answer 3

LOL they are good and contain some humor. I agree with TD the last one is the best.

I also like this line, it made me laugh.

"For we’ll be together,

Forever we’ll sour"

Answer 4

I thought they made a funny story, when put together. I agree that the last stanza is the best. I like the first one most, as a complete Trigee.