What do you think of my poem? I'm not too sure what to call it?

Question

I no longer see the pain in your eyes

they tell me you no longer visit the grave where she lies

have you forgotten the 38 years of love

What happened to ' she was an angel sent from above'

Life must go on, we all know that's true

but should we forget the people we've knew

your heart has moved on, its love's found another

but that woman could never replace my mother

Daddy I miss you, your smile and your warmth

but you no longer seem to care

people tell me so often I look like my mum, is that why

you're no longer there?

Does it hurt you to see me, do I smile just like her,

do I have the same light in my eyes?

Please don't forget her and don't forget me,

please don't cut off our ties

I lost my mum that day one year past,

the best of the friends that I've knew

but whats just as bad is on that sad day,

I know that I also lost you

written about my dad and mum's death just over a year ago. My dad refuses to get in touch with me and blanks my calls/letters etc

Answer 1

its a lovely sensitive poem. its not likely you can change your dads attitude if he's a self absorbed character. may i suggest you look for a writers group in your area ,join it and make friends with people who are kindred spirits. people who write recreationally are usually pleasant souls who think about things the way you do,all the best.

Answer 2

Very nice (and sad).

How about abandoned?

Answer 3

" I need you more than ever."

That is what I would call this poem.

Beautifully written and very composed.Your Father is hurting as much as you.Find it in your Heart to make another attempt at reconciling with him. I Wish you well. x

Answer 4

LOVELY POEM - well done you.

Easy to understand & it rang chords with me.

suggest

Eternal love of mother

Eternal mother

Everlasting love for mother

Love my mother too

Do you not love mother any more?

gd luck.

hope you write more.

Answer 5

38 Years Of Love

Answer 6

that is a beautiful poem, completley touching and heartbreaking. I am so sorry for your loss(es) but would also like to tell you that you are extremely talented and shouldn't stop writing. One correction, in second paragraph where it says the people we've knew, that doesn' make any since (the people we have knew) so change it to the people we knew. As for titles? I'm not very good at that part but I will offer some (bad?) ideas:

The Forgotton Daughter

A Second Death

The Cold Grave Stone

Answer 7

Daddy my heartbreak.

Answer 8

sorry about your mom. your poem is wonderful. i liked it very much. it describes your feeling very well. here's a suggestion, if and when you're able to contact your dad (i hope), instead of saying anything at all let him listen to or read this poem. it tell him exactly how you feel.

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 9

Forgetting Mary (insert her actual name here)

Overgrown Grave, symbolizing that no one has been there besides you.

It is really nice, even though it us sad. My personal favorite is the first stanza.

Answer 10

definitely '38 years of love'

or 'i miss you'

thiis poem is so touching.. it actually moved me to tears.

i am so sorry for your loss or both your mother and your father.

i can vaguelly understand as my father doesnt speak to me anymore now he has a new wife and children.

anyway . this is beutiful and heartfelt and i wish you all the very best

god bless x

Answer 11

Daddy I miss you, your smile and your warmth

but you no longer seem to care

people tell me so often I look like my mum, is that why

you're no longer there?

Does it hurt you to see me, do I smile just like her,

do I have the same light in my eyes?

Please don't forget her and don't forget me,

please don't cut off our ties

this stanza has a few things I would change to make it better,

first:

people tell me so often I look like my mum, is that why

you're no longer there?

break the line so that the last question it's complete on a new line

people tell me so often I look like my mum,

is that why you're no longer there?

then, "do I have the same light in my eyes?" this is a bit common place, it's a bit like of you wrote, "the eyes are the window of the soul"  or a phrase like that. Most people say eyes have some sort of light, try to find something to keep that idea but with different words

Answer 12

lost or pain would be a good titled.

its a good poem but sad since its true. good luck with everything!