What do you think of my poem? It is my most recent, written just 2 months ago

Question

"Teardrops On The Sun"

It's like kissing the darkness

Shouting into air

Everyone is around you

But no one can hear

Lets take to the back roads

We can set out to be free

We can run away

But we will never leave

We are so lucky to stay here

In the darkness of all life

Vibrant with gloominess

Don't bother to put up a fight

Put the end to your tears

Everyone is around you

But none of them care

Answer 1

i like it alot

tell me what u think of mine:

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Answer 2

Your poem would make good lyrics to a song.  But I hope you're not feeling that way inside.

Answer 3

i liked it a lot! it has feeling and meaning, and was clever and creative. i like all the metaphors and comparisons, and the wording was good.

but there are 2 things id say, if you want to improve it:

1) you were doing it in stanza's werent you? groups of 4 lines? if thats the case, you left off a line at the end (there was 15 lines total, not 16)

2) you might want to find some words that rhyme a little better, and make the rhythm a little more even, because it will be easier to read.

but it was still good as is!

Answer 4

Another great one Mo, it sounds like it should be a song.

Great work!