Question:

What do you think of my poem? (WIshes)

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The only thing he wishes

is that he could have his kisses

from the girl he always misses

Everyday.

Not seeing her in a year

the only thing that he could fear

is that she's never coming here

anyway

If he only took the chance

He could find himself in romance

He would ask the girl for a dance

another day

She's lost in her convictions

He is loosing his ambition

They can only hope for friction

to save

The world was always better

when he could write that letter

telling her why she mattered

to him

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  1. Superb!! why dont u send it to some magazines or submit it for some Websites so more people could read your beautiful poem and enjoy.Its really cool.


  2. well done this is a great poem, not sure what you need to finish, it stands well as it is

  3. WOOOAH... really cooooooooool.... keep it up.

  4. its nice,but i hope you dont mind,its common,how about spicing it up

  5. I think it's a pretty good start if you're not finished with it yet. You're well on your way to being a great writer.

  6. Wow it`s really agood start =D

    I know you`ll finish it GOod.

    tnx for sharing !

  7. u don't have to rhyme to the tooth. its ok but could use a little work. It doesnt grab you. Its kinda like i read it and forgot it that fast... just being honest in a major standpoint. but if your writing it for a girl she will love it

  8. It would make for great song lyrics, or spoken word. The rhythm and pace are very good.  

  9. Suggestion: S1, 2, 3 - all have a last line of 3 beats.  If you change the last lines of S5 and 6 - to 3 beats also - the poem would seem more "in tune". ♥

  10. The only stanza that I would suggest a change is this one:

    Not seeing her in a year

    the only thing that he could fear

    is that she's never coming here

    anyway

    The word anyway could be replaced with again -- which makes more sense to me.

    This is a good poem.  Each stanza stands alone, but also flows together very well.

    T.

  11. Dude its really cool, you should finish it up, and show it to every1. Pretty amazing, you could make this into a song. lol

  12. aww that's so romantic!
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