What do you think of my poem? not finished yet. ?

Question

beloved boy of mine

oh how you became my addition

oh so quickly i fell for you

your gorgeous eyes

sparkling smile

and how it was so short lived

for you were bound to someone else

for eternal your hearts as one

and how you couldn't help

the on edge excitement

that could be bought to you by another someone

the secrets and moments between the sheets

that pleased you so well

and how you couldnt stand it that i would not betray my beliefs

for you

it is not that i didn't want you,

it may be the fact that i was scared

everytime i would think of times with you

i would tingle inside like i havnt ever done in which way

Answer 1

CLICHE AND OVERDONE.  

Answer 2

i think its beautiful

i like the way you have used older words to match up to a modern day heartbreak!!

talented

:)  

Answer 3

Honestly, your trying to sound to proffessional, calm it down, and the "oh's" make it sound like something from the 1800's. Also it seems more like a story than a poem.

Sorry for all the negativity, but i give my honest opinion in my answers.  

Answer 4

It sound very good!

Answer 5

Your poem is a free verse and it is considered a posy, you have no rhymes and it is based on thoughts that came to your head,so when you write your poem please try to count the syllables for every verse and so you will have a verse of eight syllables and one of seven, But your posy is very good and i like it .

Answer 6

I really like it :-) I like poems that have to do with romance and boys.

Answer 7

wow write your own book

and soo it will be a best sell hahah

ur good

Answer 8

"oh so quickly i fell for you

your gorgeous eyes

sparkling smile"

I find this part very cliche and well...not good. I wouldn't call this a poem. It is just...well...a very direct and simplistic expression od thoughts. It lacked originality and thus very hard to appeal

My suggestions:

Read more poetry, become acquainted with poetic devices, expand your vocab and try to be creative.

Answer 9

It's really fairly cliché. As some others have said, you need to work on the structure to make it more fully a poem as opposed to a collection of thoughts. Figure out a rhyming structure that will work, and I would suggest eliminating or altering the more trite sections of the poem (e.g. "...gorgeous eyes/sparkling smile", "for eternal your hearts as one"). Not meaning to sound harsh but it needs more work to be fully realized as a poem.