What do you think of my poem or song ?

Question

you can fix it if is that shound good

I love you

you are only onw i need

you a reason i smile today

when you hold me i feel so special person

is this meant to be?

i promised i wont ever hurt you

i want be your wife one day

I want us to last long

i think we will

cuz we are in love

Answer 1

It should be

I love you

you are only one i need

your the reason i smile everyday

when you hold me i feel so special

were we meant to be this way?

i promise i wont ever hurt you

i want be your wife

I want us to last long

be cuz u r my llife

u have horrible grammar

Answer 2

Put apart  some spelling mistakes, I think you can develop your grammar horizons a bit larger.. keep on the good work!

Answer 3

Honestly, I think it is a bit cliche. No offense, but I also think it is on the simple side, if you know what I mean. Of course, that could just be your style. To me, poetry uses good imagery and figures of speech (metaphors and personification). I like the fact that I can flow through it without making  

random pauses and shortening my breath. I also think It's very touching, but it could improve if you rhymed. Some prefer rhyming, some don't care, I'm just offering advice

Answer 4

It obviously means a lot to you. I don't think it would make a good song. It would make a better poem if it had a better flow. It kind of sounds like an ESL person wrote it but that makes it really unique at the same time.  

Answer 5

I won't call that a poem. It's very cliche and simplistic (sorry I'm being honest here) and you seem to have a lot of mistakes ( write "I" instead of "i") both grammatical and in punctuations. Your lines and expressions did not evoke any feelings or creat any images. I would give it a 2/10.

Do I sound harsh? maybe but that is the only way you can improve, If you want to.

Good luck,

lulle Rhymesmith