What do you think of my poem? (please be honest)?

Question

Life

In the Spring, when the flowers start to bloom

And when their brightness takes out the gloom

I come to life and choose my way

To start learning from the first day

When I look at the young green leaves

Dancing and fluttering on the joyful trees

I see myself, a happy little boy

running in the forest, laughing with joy

When the trees have no leaves to wear

as the autumn has stripped them bare

the fallen leaves burn with a glow

As they spread with every blow

Of the refreshing autumnal breeze

That fondles the naked, sleeping trees

I see myself, walking in the reddish tide

wending the path of life with every stride

As the New Year grows to be old

and the forest becomes white and cold

I see myself, strolling away

into the light, where heavens lay

Answer 1

This is bloody fantastic! You have a rare talent. Oh my, this is just so evocative!

Answer 2

I love it if that is about you it is truley great. keep writing.

Answer 3

Nice idea.  Like the 'story'  would change some words and remove some word to make the flow more rhythmical.  eg.

"when" in the second line.  "This" i.s.o. "first"  Line 4.  Line 7: "as a happy little boy"  Some suggestions.  Read it aloud in front of a mirror and you can feel the timbre.

Peace.

Answer 4

I like it, although the rhythm and timing is a little off. You manage to portray a proper picture of life and you almost manage to illustrate the whole thing by the use of words

Keep writing!

Answer 5

Its quite good