What do you think of my poem...?

Question

This is not finished yet.

Awoke in a great fear

Hands sweating, eyes rolling

Knees numbs, hands shaking

Illusions overshadowed by loneliness

As the night gets weaker, my darkness goes steeper

Nowhere to turn, no hand in sight

Breath by breath

Tear by tear

Trying to fill this abyss

Answer 1

i think it's good and it is pretty deep. wats it about?

Answer 2

Try

Waking in fear

Hands sweating, eyes rolling

Knees numbs, hands shaking

Pretense of happiness

consumed by loneliness

As the night wanes weaker

my darkness grow deeper

Nowhere to turn, no hand in sight

Breath by breath

Tear by tear

Trying to fill this abyss

Answer 3

I like it. (:

It's very deep & I'm getting vivid images.

Really good.

Answer 4

that's deep.

Answer 5

I like it! Im just wondering how can ur eyes be rolling?

Answer 6

pretty good. =)

Answer 7

Woah.

Every single word I read, I could relate so closely to it.

This is a wonderful poem, finished or not.

Definitely a thumbs up.

Answer 8

If I could have written a poem as good as this every time I awoke in a sweat, gasping for air, I wouldn't have minded those anxiety attacks as much. Sadly, you are all too right. "This is not finished yet."

Answer 9

Nicely done, sad and meaningful, can definitely relate to this emptiness in loneliness!!  Cheers !!

Answer 10

Interesting.  A little dark, but dark poetry definitely has a value.

Hope you will post the finished product.

Answer 11

Another star effort, J. Not perfect, but still, a solid poetic expression.

Answer 12

i like it! the only thing i would correct is the double use of the hand description in lines 2 and 3.

awesome! keep writing!

Answer 13

I love the poem especially the nowhere to turn,no hand in sight  breath by breath tear by tear

Answer 14

scale 1-10

5

Answer 15

I like the darkside & This is be about as dark as the abyss......It needs a little bit more work

It sorta remincs me of the Abbott & Costello Sketch.............Slooooowwwly I turn.... Step by Step

From the Susquahannah Hat Company

Answer 16

Wow, not bad. I like it. :-)

Answer 17

Good description. You might want to divide S1, L2 to balance the meter.

Answer 18

Sweet, dark poetry. Not bad at all [: