Question:

What do you think of my poem revised?

by  |  earlier

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Through the misery and the agony,

I listen to the voices inside of me.

Telling me i'm useless, i'm nobody;

the voice resides within me forever.

I'm in my chains- shattered within.

I feel nothing, a restless sea of sorrow.

My life comes in storms of pain,

the rain keeps my tears from showing.

Tell me sister,

do you know how much you prevent,

the next storm from hitting?

You are my haven.

It's the gift in you.

The one everyone sees,

the one everyone wishes were theirs.

You are the shoulder for my tears to pour down.

You are my emotional bandage.

A guiding Angel to make me shine.

I will be there for you,

and you can count on my always.

Without you I am lost,

a blind man in the city.

I know when the last tear in the shower falls,

it will have been you that rescued me.

You have received the wings on your back for a reason.

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6 ANSWERS


  1. d**n! that was good! u should post another one! lol. i loved it.


  2. L- Truly beautiful. Your acceptance of the savior is the best part for me. While I don't know how personal this piece is, the connection of saved and savior is great. TY

  3. Great i love it reminds me of a few of my friends. great job

  4. that is amazing!!! WOW! it flows nicely. the message and ur choice of words work beautifully!! i really love it.

    good luck with ur future writing! :)

  5. That is really beautiful!  Your poem kind of reminds me of that song, "Orange Sky".  VERY nice job!  You are quite talented!

  6. I like it. It is much improved. The additions give it the added dimension and depth that was missing. Good work.

    You're very welcome, and yes you should write more.

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