Question:

What do you think of my poem/song? I'm going into 7th grade and this is my first one so I need advice. Thanks!

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Ok well I wrote this is under 10 minutes but I did because I found it is a great way to vent my feelings. All the emotions are true and genuine. But since this is my first one I'd like some help. Here it goes...

V.1 I cry, my eyes too wet to see,

It's all a blur it seems to me.

My tears forgotten, like a dream.

I cry while holding back my scream.

V.2 It's all your fault, let me explain.

Your lies have caused me too much pain.

I'd yell in your face if I could.

But I guess I'm misunderstood.

V.3 I loved you once and I'll still try.

I'll make it clear, you cannot lie.

Because of you and only you,

My hopes ahead reduce to few.

V.4 I cry my eyes still wet to see,

Look at what you have done to me.

My tears reliving, like a scream.

I cry, forgotten, like my dream

Rememb'ring who I wanted to be,

But Forgetting who I am.

Because of you.

And the Chorus is:

I remember who I wanted to be.

But I'm forgetting who I really am.

I remember what I wanted to see.

But I'm lost and I don't give a ****.

* The chorus goes between each of the verses by the way. I just didn't want to write it over and over. Thanks for reading it! Now can you help me and what do you think of my first song? Thanks.

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6 ANSWERS


  1. great lyrics...

    its more of a song though

    answer mine:

    http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...


  2. its decent

  3. I like it better as a poem, maybe ditch the chorus to just once. Your words have a great rthym, and you're right, poetry is a lovely way to express your feelings, to vent. keep writing, Stay strong.

    strongtruths.wordpress.com.

  4. i think your first song is nice.. u have talent!!

  5. thats really good!!

    i m going into 8th grade and i write poems/lyrics ALL the time

    i cant stop!!

    i started around going into 7th grade to so your at a good start

    in 7 th grade toward the end of the year you learn a lot about poetry and it ll help you learn how to write different types of songs and stuuf like that

    Good luck i really like it!! :)

  6. Its good. Its a song so write it in such a way that you can sing it easily. Good luck.

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