What do you think of my poem? (with more editings)?

Question

Ancient men with great skill wrought

as fame and glory were what they sought

They carefully hammered and skillfully forged

Weapons with which they fiercely fought

the king's sword was rightly made

a lordly and a knightly blade

foes will find its sight unkind

thus it's name will never fade

it slashed at mail, it pierced scale

it shone bright while foes went pale

it was fierce, it craved to pierce

once upon swords, it shattered them frail

And so the king rode to war

In lands unknown and realms far

To places dark where wild men bark

where the skies have no moon and star

once the day of battle came

man knew not face nor name

he knew only how to fight

both for glory and for fame

Horns blew and the men cried

While they marched forth, side by side

The first lines clashed and men engaged

As they began with strength and pride

the field became a dwelling for death

as smoke and dust took away breath

Answer 1

It's pretty good, but you used some of the same words over and overs agian. I suggest you use a thesaurus to find some other words.

Answer 2

very good. not really sure what to say because repetition of words is common among poems. i am not really use to these time period for poems so as far as i know it sounds good.

Answer 3

over all its really good there are a few things i would change

it slashed at mail, it pierced scale

i just dont think it flows opening mail with it it just doesnt put as strong visual in your head

and once upon swords

isnt it a sword it self? so maybe once up agains other swords

and i like how the next to last paragraph starts with strength and determination and the last line sucums to the fate of war very acurate to modern day war too as far as im concerned

maybe the field soon became a dwelling for death

as smoke and dust was their last breath

anyway these are a couple suggestions you can take them or leave them i was just giving you my thoughts on it but it is already a good poem good luck

Answer 4

"Hi!"

it's pretty good. : )