Question:

What do you think of my poems/short stories??

by  |  earlier

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Tragic mind-

I am hipnotized as I gaze into your eyes.

A stunning emerald in color, with a tiny sparkle.

I can see so many amazing things.

And then I hope that some day we could be together,

Share love,

Share joy,

share memories,

share all of the extrordinary wonders that come with the romance of two people.

All of the sudden my dreams and hopes fade.

As I see you and another lock lips and create the love that I once hoped for.

You walk away with her.

Its like I don't even exist.

I am heartbroken and crushed.

My tears well up and splatter to the ground.

In an instant, I am gone.

Love happens-

Love is like never ending life.

Once you've found it, never let it go.

You share an extrordinary bond,

Which will guide your lifes path.

When you kiss, its like worlds collide.

When you touch, you know everythings right.

Love is so powerful indeed.

Its what happens when two people meet.

Kiss-

Its a way of goodbye,

A greeting,

A show of love,

Of affection for another.

A peck on the cheek,

I love you and always will.

In cases, hello or goodbye for now.

But mostly, its a sign you care.

A short lip touch,

Greeting of a boy and girl together.

Sometimes done when you are a young child.

It shows that two people mean a lot to eachother.

A long, lip locking.

You are mine, and forever shall stay.

At times we may fight,

But in the end, love will win the war.

A kiss means so many things.

And each time you must guess,

For love will always thrive,

within any kiss you get.

Rate them and tell me how i could make them or any other of mine better in the future or what i could change to make them better.

thanks/ :)

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5 ANSWERS


  1. The concept is excellent! Expressions very good! And, technically, a good piece! 8 out of 10! well done!


  2. ..WOW.....amazing....I am speechless....

  3. Your amazing your so much better then me.

    I love you, will you marry me?

    Me hungry for love with me boy.

  4. You are doing great!  Writing has great rewards!  Keep it up!

  5. I didn't realize I was reading more than one poem til your comments at the end. I give you seven to nine.

    My only suggestion is maybe try to find another term for lip-lock.

    It sounds so trivial and slang.

    please answer this:

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

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