What do you think of my short story????

Question

it's too long to go on here....but go to this URL.

http://www.testriffic.com/story/sarah4ever453/25631

ask questions if youre confused, and remember to tell me what you think. =]

Answer 1

yes This is good... it reminded me of a poem i wrote in 10Th grade...it was entitled "Sadness,Pain and fear"written right after my dad died. i was 16....

keep writing child.

but don't grow up too fast. love will come your way in due course.

don't rush it.

cheers

Jo

Answer 2

Is there more to this story, or is this a beginning of a very good novel?   Really, no kidding!

You had my interest after the first 3 sentences.

I am a huge fan of short stories.   Give 'em some details and then let their imaginations run from there.  

Don't stop now.  Keep running with your talent.  You're good.

Answer 3

wow that's actually really great! keep going u have a gift!

Answer 4

;-)

Answer 5

Very well written and also very sad.

i like it.

Answer 6

its very confusing there has to be more detail . there are sites can help u put your store together

Answer 7

ok, why did she hit the ground? this is self indulgetn and emo, and it has no plot or backstory.

Answer 8

it sounds like a good start to a great story, I can't wait to see what happens next.

Answer 9

It's not clear what she hoped to be able to see again after she was knocked down -- the theater?

You need to focus a little more, I think, and show things instead of just telling them.

On the other hand, you seem to have quite the penchant for poetry and might be able to turn this into a successful "stream of consciousness" story -- or at least the beginning of a story.

Ask yourself what reasons you have given us to care about Haven.  Sooner or later it would help.

Think about cause and effect -- make sure that what happens in the story is believable given the background and everything that has happened up to that point in the story.

I think I detect some talent here.  There may be published authors who would agree to mentor you, and there must be creative writing courses offered at community colleges or in extension courses online.  Good luck!