What do you think of my story? Needs work, help/advice would be appreciated. Im in year 11 as well.?

Question

Larry McClenahan was an ordinary man. His hair a dull, greyish colour receded to the back of his skull. This a reflection of his fading view of morality and to a deeper extent the lacklustre attempt to achieve the success he once imagined. His arched eyebrows reflected his inquisitive and ratiocinative perspective towards the world. McClenahans narrow eyes and upturned nose exemplified his cynical and introverted disposition towards others. Larry McClenahan wondered himself why his prominent features could not generate a prominent face for others to remember.

Answer 1

WTH IN-A-GOOD-WAY are you planning to become an author or somehting? That was h**l good =) Soorry im not good at helping with wriying im only good at reading xD Vary your sentences? Short simple and complex sentences next to each other and stuff.

Mine?

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