What do you think of removing my friend as maid of honor?

Question

When I got married I asked my friend of six years to be my maid of honor over my sister. Two months before the wedding, she started to panic calling my then finance asking him for financial help to do the bridal shower and bachlorette party. She also called my sister but she never returned her call so I guess my friend had no alternative but to call him. I found out about this all and confronted her and told her that she did not have to worry about the money that my mom would pay for everything along with my sister. She called my mom only to find out when the shower was and plan a bacholrette party which was so crazy. The style of the party went against my beliefs and she knew it. All I wanted was a girls day at the spa. After going back and forth my mom got involved, she planned and paid for it. The bacholrette party never happened the way she planned. So my sister threw me a bacholrette party that she knew about and she never showed up. So I decided to demoted her from being my MOH.

Answer 1

Actually, I would have picked the sister from day 1 to be my MOH.

Don't feel guilty.  The other gal isn't reliable.

Answer 2

is she still your friend?  it is too bad that your friend gave you a hard time.  sometimes young people are unsure of what to do when they are in a wedding and they make etiquette mistakes.  i guess this was one of those times.  demoting her during all this drama over a silly party seems immature all around.

Answer 3

I think I would be able to forget the little bit of guilt I had due to her bad behavior.  She knew what you liked and wanted but did not do it. Went to other people behind your back for financial help. she should not have agreed to be the moh and then have the nerve to call then fiance and your mother for help afterwards without asking your thoughts and feelings first.

Answer 4

If you decided why did you post this question-just to see if you're justified in kicking your friend for 6 years to the curb?

Weddings are very expensive for people involved even if your mom was paying for the shower-did she pay for all the girls "spa" treatments too?

Answer 5

I think you should have had an honest discussion with her while she was  your MOH before demoting her.

I also think at least she was trying to do something. Were you clear about the duties of MOH before she signed on? Maybe she did not know she had to plan AND host the shower and bachelorette.

My MOH who had been my best friend for also about six years:

Not only did not attempt to plan a shower but did not show up at the one thrown by a friend of my late mother`s.

Not only did not attempt to plan a bachelorette but refused to do so because I was pregnant and we could not go drinking. My sister in law sort of put one together...

Threw a fit at the seamstress about the dresses which were sage green A-line in keeping with my garden party vision. Somehow we left the fabric store with shiny teal taffeta and the dresses went from an A-line flattering to a round girl`s bum to shiny sheaths which were ...not.  ``I don`t look good in A-line.`` she snapped at me.

Insisted on walking in and out of the ceremony on the arm of the best man -- who had a serious girlfriend and wanted to be waiting up front with my husband -- his brother.

Talked to my ex-boyfriend`s mom (who had been like a mother to me when I was dating her son) behind my back telling them not to come to the ceremony because it would cause too many problems.

Did not bring her boyfriend (whom I adored) at the time my invitations went out as her plus one but some S****y guy in dirty camo pants and a punk rock tee shirt showed up sometime during the reception and she hung on him the rest of the time.

Refused to do a toast.

Refused to sing any of the weddingy songs I chose for her to sing at the ceremony(she has a beautiful voice) and insisted on showcasing her voice through an obscure art song or opera aria and when I said I wanted something more accessible to all my guests she flatly refused to sing.

Wanted to be seated with my husband`s brother as his date (presumably until  camo pants showed up) and called his girlfriend -- whom I had invited verbally and would have invited by real invitation except we did not know until later in the game that Will would be able to get leave from the Navy to be there -- to tell her it was a family thing and she should not show up. Will`s gf was very uncomfortable coming to the wedding after that.

So...in the greater scheme of things was it so bad? Only you can answer that. Hopefully it will not affect your friendship over time. It was the beginning of the end for me and Di.

Answer 6

if u don't think she is ur friend

just do it

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Answer 7

I have no idea why you are asking this question.

You said you are already married, so it is too late to "demote" your friend as M.O.H. It is done, over with. Time to move on.

Answer 8

It really sounds like she had your best interest at heart. The times around a wedding are so chaotic, and so many emotions are around. I think you should have left things the way they were, and let your friend know that you appreciated her attempt.