What do you think of the 2 stanzas below?

Question

Whenever you smile at me

You cause my heart to fall

it melts to flow and come to thee

And then your name I call

To look at your shining eyes

Is to see the gleam of jewels

And to know love never dies!

Makes me the happiest of souls

Answer 1

i'm not crazy about the word "thee" it sounds so old! but the rest of it is awesome!!

Answer 2

The first two lines of the first stanza confuse me.  Why would a smile cause your heart to fall? when a heart "falls" it is grieving, it is sad and inconsolable...

I do however know where you are going with this piece...it's quite pretty but you might need to re-work it a bit.

Keep writing!

*edit:  You're getting there! do you want this poem to rhyme?or do you think it would benefit from being a free verse?

Addt'l edit:  I like the last stanza you worked 2 minutes ago..it's lilting and flows better than the previous.

Whenever you smile at me

you cause my heart to call

your name that sets my feelings free

and then for you I fall

this is it...if you like it, it works.