What do you think of the anti-adoption movements out there now?

Question

Eg:

http://www.antiadoption.org/faq.html

http://www.amfor.net/Adopters.html

http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/prejudice_teen_mothers.htm

I was really surprised to see sites so adamantly against adoption. I personally can see why adoption could be a bad decision in some cases, but having so many positive adoption experiences in my life (myself, other members of my family, friends, friends children etc), I don't understand why adoption overall could be a horrible thing.

Thoughts and comments?

Answer 1

Did someone just call my mother a "crackwhore"?

Wow.  That's harsh.

By the way, I think those websites have many valid points.  I don't agree with all of them but they are enlightening and they provide an interesting perspective on adoption that some people are otherwise unaware of.

Answer 2

I'm glad they are out there. I don't always agree with everything they say and I'm quite positive they dont always agree with me, but thank GOODNESS people are out there speaking out and letting the world know what goes on! Sealed records, coercion, all the horrible things that happen need to be known so that the system can eventually be changed. Surely even those that believe adoption is wonderful can agree that these things need to be changed? Even if they don't always agree with the anti-adoption movement, hopefully they can be grateful that someone is changing the corrupt and inhumane ways it is currently conducted (even if you don't believe its all the time) here and abroad, after all, they are the parents of adoptees themselves.

Answer 3

I think it's good that those groups are out there.  While I don't agree with all of the issues, there are too many women who are lied to especially if they have healthy white babies.  The Internet at least gives them a chance to find out some of those lies so that she can make a better decision.

Answer 4

I love how natural mothers are described here.  A mother that voluntarily relinquishes her child is NOT a CRACK w***e.  I bet if we were to ask LC if the natural mother in his case was a crack w***e.  HE would say NO.  A mother who voluntarily relinquishes is someone who is usually poor and vulnerable.  NOT A DRUG ADDICT.  This is a myth perpetrated by the Adoption Industry to disenfranchise and dehumanize a woman and her baby.  It is a way to make a child a commodity.   If the legal fees and the homestudies run $7,000, where does the rest of the money go?  

Why don't you ask the adoption agencies why they charge so much?  Its not the natural mothers.  They don't want the protection from the agencies.  They don't get a dang dime from the agencies.  

Now I am not totally against adoption but I am radically against unethical adoptions, coercion and lies associated with adoption as it is now practiced.

The links below are not angry mothers.  These are the words from very sane women.  Women who have researched and studied adoption.  I challenge every single one of you to read these blogs.  I challenge you to all step up and read beyond the little boxes that you live in.

Answer 5

it's such BS- I know 2 friends who were adopted themselves, and one friend who gave her baby up- has worked out well for all involved.  The 2 who were adopted came from other countries and know nothing about their birth parents, the one who gave a baby up still hears from the family a few times a year with updates- they are wonderful parents who gave her son a better life than she ever could have.

Answer 6

I don't like the anti-adoption movements.  I just believe that laws need to be changed.  The one person that adoption laws are supposed to protect are the kids.  They (we) are the one person that suffers the most with the current laws.

Answer 7

I think they need to realize just how pitiful the lives of children without families are, as well as the lives of children who are with unfit families. My little sister was adopted out of an abusive home, and I shudder when I think that some people would rather her be back with her cruel birthmother.

Answer 8

I'm not really sure. Your not the child's biological parents and then you lie to the kids until they are 18 or older and then tell them they were adopted. So that could cause resentment and confusion in the child. Then there's the issue of changing the child's entire name to the name of the adoptive parents.  The child should keep the name that the father gave it because it is the son or daughter of it's father not the adoptive parents. The adoptive parents didn't give birth to it. You should let the child keep it's given birth name because that is it's identity and it is the child of it's biological father.  You should also tell the child that it was adopted and you are not it's real parents as soon as it turns like 7 years old so it doesn't grow up living a lie and knows it's identity.  All you are doing is buying a child.  Plus it's too expenisive to adopt and you aren't even guarenteed to get a child. And then everyone wants babies and that isn't fair to the older children who are stuck in orphanages and foster care all their lives going from school to school and siblings getting split up because no one wants to adopt siblings.  Then there are religions like Islam(my religion) that say you can't adopt because you are buying the child and buying children is forbidden in my religion. I would adopt but can't because in every non Muslim country you have to buy the child and pay for it in order to get it. So I can't adopt.  If I did adopt I would adopt a baby and an older child.

Answer 9

I think they're dead on and have very valid points.

Again, I know many people who do not support adoption and none of them ( including myself) would prefer for babies to be thrown in trash cans or raised in bad conditions. Anyone who says this, hasn't read up on the issue, the REAL issue.

If you think about it, what adoption does today, isn't what adoption was set out to be. Adoption was set out to provide a home for children who need it. It doesn't do that as often as it should, so really the anti-adoptionists, are those who advocate for modern day adoptions. Coercion, sealed records, money in exchange for a child, forced surrenders due to lack of family support, poverty, desparation etc. THAT is modern day adoption. Not to mention uninformed surrenders.

Answer 10

I think its horrible. But not all adoptions are the same... i was adopted by my grandparents when my mom passed. But for people who cant have kids its the only way to have a family of your own. Sometimes teen girls who accidently get pregnant cant always care for a baby and adoption is a hundred times better than abortion. Adoption can really only help more than hurt.

Answer 11

I'm glad someone is out there trying to make a change.

Adoption in the U.S. as it stands - has so many faults - and children and mothers are being exploited.

Yes - some children need a loving home.

But pregnant women also need to suck it up and take responsibility for their own child.

Giving the child up - is inflicting pain on the child. (no matter the age of the child)

And society is happy with that to happen???

Why aren't more people trying to keep mother and child together??

I am thankful to those that are trying to make positive changes in adoption.

It is these people that are trying to make lives better for the child.

I'm not thankful to those that wish to shut them up - just because they don't agree with what they do.

Answer 12

any reason that you do not want to raise someone is good enough for me. it would be horrible to be brought up under someone that does not want a baby. there fore adoption is the greatest thing going and its sad to see how many are againist it i would think most of these people talking never were adopted or don't know much about hte situations or live it if you lived it would make more sense and i say i love it and here i am see what i have.

Answer 13

If you can't understand why adoption overall could be a horrible thing, - - then I don't believe you've read your own links.

Answer 14

I think the anti adoption folks raise many valid points to be considered.  I just don't agree that adoption is always a bad thing.  Sometimes, but not always.  I think there is far too much relinquishment in our country due to coercion, low self esteem and lack of education.  The anti adoption folks present a lot of information that people need to think about even if they don't agree with all points.

Adoption is not always a wonderful thing.  I think that parents who have relinquished and adoptees who struggle with their relinquishment are often neglected.  The anti adoption folks raise awareness to this neglect amongst other key issues that have been swept under the rug for generations.

I don't always agree with them and I never agree with them on everything but again there is important information to be considered.

Answer 15

I agree with rima. A person shouldn't have to be rich to adopt a child. The children stuck in orphanages or foster homes often do not receive the love or attention they deserve and most certainly would be better being adopted. Yet, I think adoption in America is almost tabooed. Adopting children from poor, lesser developed nations you are doing something worthy in the nation's eyes, yet what about all the child who are put up for adoption here in America and are just as deserving? No one ever hears much about orphans in America besides a news report done maybe once every 5 years, but Americans constently hear about children of other nations being adopted by celebrities which makes it more popular. I love that there is a movement to help those nations, but we mustn't ignore the problems of our own nation.

It is also crazy that it costs so much to adopt. I don't know exact figures or anything, but I know it is a long, difficult process for people to go through in order to adopt. I think as long as the family is seen as loving and having the means to care for an adopted child, the process should not be put out of their reach by ridiculous costs. We want children to be adopted so why should we make it harder than it needs to be for children to be adopted? Two of my cousins were adopted when they were about 7 and 10. They were sister and brother, not to be separated and they went into one of the most loving families I know, but my aunt and uncle were lucky they were able to afford the adoption because it was certainly a difficult process. The act of taking in a child, especially an older child who may have issues of their own is going to be tough enough on a family, but who is going to want to adopt when the process is so difficult and costs so much? I think that alone deters a lot of people from actually adopting, which is unfortunate because there are a lot of loving, deserving children out there.

Woo, sorry for my rambling, I've always strongly supported the adoption of children and plan to adopt at least one child when I am older and have the means.

Answer 16

I am adopted and had a child out of wedlock that I kept. I am not a crack w***e. I hate drugs and I am tired of this lie about single mothers. It was born out of immature jealousy from barren women who handle their barreness with no grace or class what so ever. Adoptees who say they are happy being adopted are the weakest of all of us-they only say that because they feel rejected by their real mothers and want revenge, the way someone who was jilted flaunts a new bf or gf in their ex's face. They are also numb, and in denial because being raised in a lie and having to lie every day and call total strangers mom and dad has given them psychological toxic over load. NO ONE wants to be adopted.

Answer 17

I don't know. I've never understood this. We have had the most positive adoption experience but we have been confronted with these ugly people. Everyone involved in adoption suffers some loss....but what is the alternative?

Answer 18

I think it is absolutely APPALING that any crack w***e can have a baby, then decide she doesnt want it and throw it in the trash. Yet, a loving woman like me, they make it so hard. I can understand having a home inspection, medical tests, psychological evaluation. But why the long process and why make it SO expensive? I didnt know you had to be rich to have a baby, but to adopt one, you most definetly do. And then they complain how there are sooooo many children without loving homes. It makes no sense.

Answer 19

People need to just mind their own business!  Too many idiots think that their opinion is the only correct one.