What do you think of the begining of my love poem?

Question

Whenver you look at me

you cause my heart to call

your name that soothes my heavy tongue

and then for you I fall!

whenever you smile at me

you cause my heart to melt

and it flows to come to thee

and so I've always felt!

when i look at the aegan sea

I remember your hazel eyes

a calm ocean of love and joy

a bright sky that never cries

a roaring river of passion

leading to my heart, where your love lies

Answer 1

great metaphors used. a very descriptive poem to were the reader can image what you mean by your words. it's an overall great poem. i can't think one of one change to make to it. really awesome job on the peom.

Answer 2

What about this for the opening stanza?

Whenever you look at me

you cause my heart to call

your name as sadness flees

and again for you I fall

As to the rest, very nice, but love poems are many and this to me needs to be more personal to make it stand apart.

Answer 3

I think your poem was excellent you should not take anything out leave it the way it is. Your love is so true you do anything to keep it. Even if you had to die to it. You got skills. keep up the good work. Your words are so honest  and surreal, full with compassion as well as truthful.

Answer 4

I love your poem it's beautiful and very expressive. For the first verse I would leave everything except the word ''heavy'', that I would remove. The last verse is my favorite, I felt every word. : )

Answer 5

I love it. Bloody brilliant! So evocative and the imagery? Wow! Wonderful work...thank you for sharing!