What do you think of the beginning paragraph of my novel?

Question

Many people are called mistakes. Many people are called outcasts. But, who are we to judge those who were born different? Who gave us this right? Harris Giovanni Marin was one of those people. Harris Giovanni Marin was one of those mistakes. Harris Giovanni Marin was one of those outcasts. Yet, he faced each day with a smile.

Answer 1

I would change called to labeled. And take out People are called in the 2nd sentence and change it to "Many others are labeled outcasts. Change were to are. Take out the last two Harris Giovanni Marin-thats too much of a mouthful to repeat that many times.You switched tenses when u started talking about Harris-make sure everything is the same tense

Answer 2

Not too bad,   Using his name too many times does not advance your theme.  There is no clue at all to his defect of character, nothing the reader could relate to.  Is it supposed to be a big surprise?  

you sound like you are around 16 to 18 and paid attention in English.  Good for you.  This has some strength.   Try this, and play with what you have.

"On the whole most people are NOT mistakes.  They go through days not doubting the righteousness of their own world, They understand they fit.  Some of us do not fit.  We wiggle at the edges of the greater world, taking in the smells and sights of places we will never be allowed to know.  

Harris Giovanni is one of those people, he lives on the edges, creeping around, listening, and knowing he will never enter the world of the blase.  Really does not want to.  Just being around them is enough  He sees, everything, and nothing, and not one person pays him attention after they pass their ticket to him for the dance.  Their breath smells of cigarettes and pre-comsumed alcohol.  He doesn't care, he knows they smuggle booze in, have tokes of grass in the many hall ways of this club.  Not his business.   He smiles, kindly enough with empty sad eyes.  No one sees him, no one knows him and yet He knows them   He cannot protect them from themselves, but perhaps a single act will vanquish his foes.  

Answer 3

what is ur novel about...n y so much of emphisis on Harris Giovanni Marin....gosh...ur like completely obsessed with him or sumthng???

Answer 4

This is rather good. From this, people would assume that it may be a 'slice of life' or a 'trials in life' type of book. Also, that beginning sentence "Many people are called mistakes" is pretty good, because people can relate to that. The opening is key to drawing readers in. The only thing I can say is maybe be a little more sarcastic (or something.) People like sarcasm and wit nowadays in novels.

Answer 5

The only thing i would change is called to considered.  I don't know why it just sounds better to me.  Otherwise good luck.

Answer 6

It's not working t all.  It seems very cliche. Almost like someone would start a five page essay on abortion or something.