What do you think of these 3 poems?

Question

She claw, I Bite

She scream, I fight

She run, I walk

She laugh, I talk

We were buddies

We were friends

We were sisters

till the end

To bad it had to happen this way

But i knew it would happen

one day.

or this one

Being lost is like a bad dream

A bad dream is like reality

Reality is like being lost.....in the universe

orr this one?

My stomach is empty

My jeans finally fit me

My friends are concerned

My mom doenst know

My mind is confused

can someone tell me what to do?

by the way i used to have an eating disorder but im ok now. thats wat the last poem is about.

Answer 1

The first one I liked, it was different, and unusual!  Cheers!! Nice to hear you OK!!

Answer 2

the first is my fave it is very good!

the second im not so crazy about

and the 3rd is very good as well

:D

-im glad that you have gotten better btw:]

Answer 3

The first one needs grammar fixes unless you meant it too sound like that. Shouldn't there be an S on the end of the words?

The second one is simple-I would make it four lines and just clean it up a bit:

Being lost is like a bad dream

A bad dream is like reality

Reality like being lost

In the universe

My stomach is empty

My jeans finally fit me

My friends are concerned

My mom doenst know

My mind is confused

can someone tell me what to do?

I would change the last line, everything else is fine and clearly states what the poem is about

Answer 4

Your first four lines should be pluralized... It makes more sense to pluralize the adverb when there is an action BEFORE the present tense!

She claws, I Bite

She screams, I fight

She runs, I walk

She laughs, I talk

You misdirected and misspelled the word 'til. Till is a collection of money denominations within a cash drawer or safe. Reality is what is in front of you that your six senses can detect. I think you want the line to read:

"Fantasy is like being lost.....in the universe"

The ending might need one more line to complete the though process...

My stomach is empty

My jeans finally fit me

My friends are concerned

My mom doenst know,

My thoughts are too heavy

My dad will commit me

Tell me where should I turn

Tell me where I should go?

I love your brashness. It defines your work of being simple and complex at the same time! Keep it up!!  Grade  A -