The first one is a clean one...
A man goes to the doctor and he has broccolli in one ear, a carrot in the other ear, and a potato on his nose. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I don't feel well. Can you tell me what's wrong with me?" And the doctor says, "You haven't been eating right."
And now the dirty one...
A woman goes to a tattoo place and she doesn't look like the tattoo type, so the man who runs the place walks up to her and he says, "Can I help you?" She says, "I'd like a tattoo on my right leg of a turkey, and I want you to write Thanksgiving underneath it. On my left leg I want a tattoo of an evergreen tree, and underneath it I want you to write Christmas." The man then says, "That's an interesting request, may I ask why?" And the woman says, "Because I'm sick of my husband saying there's never anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
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