What do you think of this Christmas poem?

Question

Christmas with a twist

We will sing for our Christmas pudding.

As we echo the brightness of snow.

See how the lights illuminate the street.

Red and blue and orange and gold.

Santa will come in with his reindeer.

Giving out boxes of tender delights.

Notice the smiles of the kids brighten.

On this starry, happening night.

Jesus was born in the manger.

We guess that much is true.

The gift of giving other than receiving.

Is such a special trait too.

Christmas should be wine, parties and turkeys.

Families sharing the moments.

Friends giving each other gifts.

This is how Christmas should be.

Not a politically correct pile of ****!

Answer 1

I think it could end differently =)

how about Merrily warm and Bliss

Answer 2

Not bad, but shame about the cursing at the end. I have a suggestion for how it could end....

after saying 'This is how Christmas should be', instead of saying 'Not a politically correct pile of ****!' you could say 'merrily warm and bright'.

Answer 3

I like it, especially the last line.  Anything anti-PC is right up my street.

Answer 4

great job

Answer 5

i think its got a cool twist 2 it. luv it.  :-P

Answer 6

Well if your going for something meaningful then the ending has got to go but if you'd rather go for something politically funny the ending is good but you might want to make it rhyme and not sound as awkward at the end.

Answer 7

Are you serious? Putting a curse word at the end?

Answer 8

love it :) Only thing i would change is happening night to Christmas night

Answer 9

I don't like it a bit. You say "giving other than receiving." But then you also say "Giving out boxes of tender delights. Notice the smiled of the kids brighten."  and "Christmas should be wine, parties and turkeys." and also "Friends giving each other gifts." You contradict yourself. You say it's about giving, but then go on about how much the material matters. You have two lines about Jesus, one about spending time with family,  zero about actually enjoying your friends, zero about being thankful for what you have, and zero about helping others. Then there's "This is how Christmas should be. Not a politically correct pile of ****!" This is how you would like YOUR christmas to be. It is not how everyone celebrates. And second, what is SO terrible about acknowledging there are other holidays in winter? And lastly, it feels very awkward. Try reading it aloud. The words don't flow smoothly into the others, you trip and stumble over them. Good luck with your future writing.