What do you think of this Dutch family that wants to abandon their adopted daughter after 7 years?

Question

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1695735,00.html?cnn=*******

Answer 1

Absolutely disgusting.

Should be lock up for child abandonment.

Answer 2

That is so messed up that parents treat their kids like that. You need to report them to social services right away and you may need witnesses to back you up on it. Cause there is no way that this little girl will be able to survive when she is only 7 years old. Also if they didnt wanna keepher than they shouldn't have adopted her to begin with.

Answer 3

I think it is very sad. My friend adopted a 3 year old vietnamese girl many years ago and after a couple of years she gave her back. They said the little girl had emotional problems. That was her choice right or wrong. We all have to live with our choices. She said what she did was like what I did, when I gave my baby up at birth. I don't think so, but that is just my opinion.

Answer 4

I think it is a horribly sad situation for this little girl. I asked about it a few days ago:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

But as sad as it is, I think this girl has got to be better off with any other family than this one. Apparently after first claiming that the girl had "culture shock" and could not adapt to Dutch food (Hello?! she was with them from the time she was 4 months old until she was 7, THEY were the ones responsible for her taste in food, for heaven's sake!), they now say that she has attachment disorder and after a lot of therapy they decided they could not keep her.

Well, I don't doubt she had attachment disorder. In an interview in the Dutch press, a former nanny/babysitter who took care of the child for many months felt that the child was not treated the same as the birth children of the couple, and that the mother did not act like a mother to her. (See link below) Another caregiver (or possibly the same one) says:

"'She was rarely in her mother's arms and always in the care of someone else....They did not treat her the same way as the son. There was not the love there,' the maid told The Post."

Other indications that the lack of attachment was caused by the actions of the adoptive family are that they neglected to ever naturalize her as a Dutch citizen, so that she in fact has no firm right to live in ANY country!, and that online mentions of diplomatic parties held at the family home mention other family children, but not this little girl. And reports are that she speak Cantonese and English, but only "some Dutch" -- what the heck? (see the first link below).

But even though I believe the problems in attachment were caused directly by the parents, the fact remains that this little girl is better off without these so-called parents. They clearly do not want her and did not treat her as their own, so it is much better for the girl that she have another family. The big problem with that is that they have left her without a valid citizenship in any country. It is possible (reports are unclear) that she still has a right to live in Korea, but she does not speak any Korean, so that would be hard on her, and this is a child that does not need more hard breaks.

I think the best solution at this time, and the one that reports are is being pursued seems to be that the child be adopted by a Korean family living in Hong Kong (where the child and her Dutch "family" has been living for several years). I hope all the controversy over this story makes this possible for this little girl. I hope she ends up in a wonderful family who will connect her with her Korean roots while letting her live in a country and culture and language that she knows, who have a thorough understanding of attachment disorder and PTSD and a willingness to go through the hard work that helping this little girl will entail, and most importantly will love her enough to stick with her through thick and thin (and I suspect the going will be rather thick for quite some time with all this girl has been through).

See this blog from a member of an international organization of adult adoptees from Korea. I think she has some very good questions. Also I believe that adult adoptees from Korea are the best "experts" we've got on this situation.

http://weallcomefromseoul.blogspot.com/2...

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Source(s):

See this story which references the Dutch story on the babysitter and a lot of other relevant details as well

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/wo...

The "second" caregiver:

http://news.monstersandcritics.com/asiap...

The report on the party:

http://www.occlub.org/occ/activities/pas...

Statement from GOAL (Global Oversees Adoptee Links), an Seoul based organization of adult adoptees from Korea:

http://goal.or.kr/upload/bbs/e613/495411...

See also this informative blog entry:

http://michellemalkin.com/2007/12/14/upd...

Answer 5

wow that just pissed me off. They need to be lock up. And the most saddest thing is it's not uncommon  i'm sure it happend all the time .

Answer 6

As disgusting as this is, the child will probably be better off not living with this couple.   Even if she has to move again, they certainly did not love her and do not understand her in any way.

I adopted five babies from birth.  They are adults now and all married with their own children.

I never seperated them, by words or deeds, i.e. These are my adopted children and this is my "own".   I heard many other adopted parents explain their children that way and it would make me cringe.

My oldest daughter was the oldest baby.  Three months old.

She had lain in a crib for the whole three months, not being picked up and not held or cuddled.

When we got her she didn't feel comfortable being held and cuddled and would wriggle as if she was in pain.  As she grew older she would not have her picture taken, because she didn't like the way she looked - she was native Indian.

We worked with her, loved her and as the years went by she gradually felt better about herself and let got of her inhibitations.

We loved that beautiful little girl from the minute we saw her and probably the difference between us and the two Dutch people, was that in no way could they have loved her from the start.

My daughter is now a mother to two beautiful daughters, and they are both loving girls, because their mother had the example of being loved and hugged etc.

You do not abandon a child as if it was a puppy.  But if you do, it means that you have no feeling for that child at all.

In which case it would be better for that child to NOT be brought up in that household.  If she continued to live there she would grow up with deep emotional problems, and her whole life would be affected by the lack of love she got growing up.   I can only hope that wherever she goes next, the new parents will give her all the love she needs, to enable her to grow up with dignity and love.

Answer 7

They must not know that love and being a parent is acceptance and complete love...What ever the girl s doing it is because of the environment that they have created and brought her into...it is not her fault.

Answer 8

its kinda frustrating that people abandon their kids...grown-ups should know their responsibility as parents. if they were not willing to adopt the kid in the first place they shouldnt have commited to such act.

Answer 9

Unreal!  That isn't right.  I don't know what to say....

Answer 10

it sure isn't un common