Question:

What do you think of this description of a girl? All opinions taken on board. Thanks!?

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

People said Heather had 'The Whole Package.' Her brown hair fell to her shoulders, silky and soft. Her long eyelashes fluttered above her deep brown eyes and her lips were curved, a perfect shape, plump and a juicy red colour. An average height for her age, 5ft 6, which she was quite content with. Dresses often complimented her long legs, but what alot of people found most mesmerizing about her image was her straight shoulders that she kept in perfect position.

 Tags:

   Report

3 ANSWERS


  1. The girl sounds nice, but I would show the description more than tell it if I were you.

    ex:

    Amber watched admiringly as Heather dropped her silky chestnut hair out of her clip and let it fall to her shoulders.  

    Heather effortlessly swept mascara over her long lashes, creating a frame for her deep brown eyes.

    Heath focused on Heather's lips as she talked to him, watching the curves of her plump, red mouth.

    At 5'6", Heather had to raise herself up onto her toes to reach Heath's mouth.

    There was a pile of jeans hanging over the fitting room door.  Heather burst out of the room wearing the 7th pair she had tried on.

    "Ok, what do you think of these ones?"

    Jamie studied them for a second before giggling.  "They are too short!"

    "Ah!  I am never going to find jeans long enough for my legs.  This is ridiculous!"

    "Are you kidding?!?  I would kill for legs like yours.  I got stuck with these little stumps instead."

    These are really rudimentary examples.  They are not great, but they make my point of showing instead of telling.  You don't have to get her whole description out in one paragraph.  Add little things like this throughout the story to SHOW what Heather looks like.


  2. It was a great description but then I read what "Rae" wrote about showing instead of telling and I think that is an even better way to describe this girl "heather".  

  3. I think it's beautiful

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 3 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.