What do you think of this free verse poem so far?

Question

a dark cloud of uncertanity methodically drapes itself over the bluest of blue skies an ominous toll exuding peril pollutes the clean crisp air cries of sheer agony echoe all throughout the war torn nation to the horizon above lies a rainbow made of bloodto the horizon below are the masses forced to dwell on the cold unmericful streets paved roads loitered with rotting corpses morphing a massive rug of flesh cannibalism has been accepted by society with open arms the plauge of famine has risen to new heights children frantically scurry home as the sky sends a shower of bullets ranning down upon them daily acts of grizzly brutality

Answer 1

It's a little depressing.

I only read the first 4-5 lines though.

Answer 2

its alright..

Answer 3

It's a little sad but definately poetic, descripitive, creative, expressive... everything a poet needs, you've got talent!

Answer 4

I think it's a great poem! A lil depressing, but if that's what you were going for...It's great! Keep up the good work!

Answer 5

Your language is incredibly vivid.  I would try and stay clear of the cliches - you only have a few, though.  Editing them out shouldn't be difficult for you, from the looks of it.  The sounds heard in the words you chose and their placement really emphasized the harshness of the tone (d, c, t, g, etc. are all harder sounds).  Your choice not to use punctuation was a good one, I think.  It demonstrates the urgency and pain that is apparent in the message - I also see it as representing the idea that there is no end to the "grizzly brutality", just as there is no definite end to the thought(s).

Depressing, yes - but conflict is intriguing and compelling.  You're off to a great start, in my opinion.