What do you think of this idea for a vampire story?

Question

Okay, so there's this midieval town terrorized by vampires, and every hundred years, someone has to be sacrificed to them. If there isn't a sacrifice, the vampires will completely destroy the town. Got it? Alrighty then... next part...

So there's this young woman in her twenties--she has a little girl, but NO HUSBAND. He left them all alone earlier on. And she's selected to be this century's vampire sacrifice. Of course she's terrified and everything, but she's smart, so she decides that giving herself up for her town is her duty and she HAS to follow through. However, she goes to her father, (Van Helsing ahahahaa; just kidding) for advice. He says that, "if you gain the vampires' trust, you'll have a good chance at catching them off guard. Then you kill them." BA-BAM. Now Girly has a plan and she's not as scared. (She's got silver stakes now!! OH YEAH!)

Then, finally, the vampires come down from nowhere, demanding their sacrifice. Oh no! Poor Girly is forced into the talons of Achizere, the vampire lord. Double oh no! But she has a mission and an objective, so she acts calm and cool.

After the flight back to the castle--you know... where the vampires live--Girly is greeted with a surprise. The vampires don't want to kill her; they want to make her part of the family. Achizere thinks she's waaaay to pretty to eat, and he needs a bride anyway. And HE'S got a daughter named Vasoura (or something along those lines) who's thrilled to have a "new mommy."

Girly (who strangely doesn't have a name yet) is given a room next door to Achizere's, and is thankful to find some clothes in there... even though they DO look a bit vampire-ish. But OH WELL. Clothes are clothes. Right? Right.

WELL, Achizere is used to being dark and terrible and horrible and freaky and completely demonic, therefore, he isn't exactly the most pleasurable husband to have. But Girly sees that he truly loves her, and Vasoura simply adores "Mommy #1,000,000". Soooooo killing these vampires doesn't seem as easy as it did before...

And I have this great scene playing in my mind... Achizere is sleeping peacefully, and Girly has a silver stake raised above her head, ready to plunge it into her husband's body. (Poor guy.)

My actual question is: What do YOU think of the idea? Do you have anything you might want me to add to it? Please critique, and give constructive criticism, but DON'T BE MEAN. Thanks!!

Answer 1

sounds like a good story :) ...it would be cool if there was some way that "girly" could save Achizere some how, make him a good vampire???  depends on how long you are going to make it but she could maybe go on some journey or something....idk... but it still sounds great the way it is :D

Answer 2

I love vampire stories and think this one has real potential.  Sounds great so far.  It sounds a bit weak in the whole "him taking her as a wife b/c she's too pretty to eat' though.  I think that needs a bit more strength.  Why has he had so many wives?  What's happened to them all, b/c after all vampires are immortal.  Is he not turning them?  Then why is his daughter immortal? You also mention Girly has a daughter in the beginning.  Is she going to be in the story at all?  Is there any reason for her besides giving Girly a little more motivation to live?  I know this is just a rough outline, but thought you might appreciate where I wanted to know more details.  Good luck.  Hope it works out.

Answer 3

Cool :) That makes me wanna write some sort of fantasy! lol i might!

If you wanna I'd be interested on hearing more!

[e-mail]

Answer 4

What happens to the abandoned daughter?

Here's my suggestions:

Alternative one: Good Girl/Bad Mom - you can make Girly turn to the "Dark Side". Only her child grows up to hate vampires, because she thinks they ate her mom, so she spends her life training to kill Vampires. Eventually, she makes her way to Vampire Castle, where she either (a) kills her mom, when ceensues very dark heartwrenching depressing ending, or (b) recognizes mom, convinces her to become 'good', and they live happily ever after (somehow)

Alternative two:Good Mom/Bad Girl - Mom is tempted by the 'dark side' but decides to be 'good' and escapes. Daughter eventually goes to find Mom, wherupon she is told - by vampires who want Mom to rejoin the family - that her mother has been turned. So daughter is convinced to become a vampire - in the hopes of being reunited with long-lost Mom. Whereupon either (a) horribly depressing ending or (b) Mom saves daughter ending occurs.

Answer 5

e-mail the rest of it. if you could please. i like it. except add a bit more detail. name the lady Megan, or Becky, or Melissa.

Answer 6

Well...

It's Not that scary but the end was pretty cool I want to know More!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

It sounds like an interesting plot line.