Question:

What do you think of this one

by Guest63025  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

Its very unfinished. I just wanted to know what everyone thinks of the love comparison to a swamp. Also, the first bit doesn't match, I wonder if I shoul move it to the bottom, or if you have any other suggestions that would be great.... and no "Its too long" I hate those...

Life's Great Tragedy

Love

Remains Mysterious.

A needless emotion

That fuels our needs.

Life's great tragedy

Beautiful heartbreak.

Stunning bliss.

Love

Is a swamp

That resides

In your heart.

The stagnant water

Stares back into

The depths of your

Soul.

With a breathless

Moan, you discover

Your true self.

Wading through

The shadows

Still searching for

Life.

Vines entrap your vision.

The aging trunks of trees

Are perpetually moist.

Odor emits like

Steam from the

The murky depths.

Love

Is a swamp.

Heinous havok

Lurks here,

Hidden from your eyes,

Towing behind

Your Imagination.

Fear

Is almost poetic

Among this

This rancid scene,

Ripped from the

Nightmare fantasy,

Of Dante's Inferno.

Love

Is dark and deadly.

An endless forest,

Trapped away,

With Grendel-like

Monsters, capable of

Glowing eyes and razor fangs

Love

Is worth it all.

Through this miserable

Bog, you will find

The end will never come

You search again for something new

To find only yourself.

Life

Is worth living,

Because love requires

Growth above this

Horrid Swamp,

Find yourself

Love yourself.

Love

Ever after, another.

And together traverse

This wicked warpath.

Overcome beasts

And fearfull nights

And triumph.

Life

 Tags:

   Report

3 ANSWERS


  1. it was spectacular

    a little long-i'd say almost too long, but the content was just...

    stunning

    i loved it


  2. A very interesting comparison you have, as for the poem I do like it a lot.  However it would be easier to follow and stay on the emotional roller-coaster if you could structure it a little more, e.g.

    Love remains mysterious.

    A needless emotion, that fuels our needs.

    Life's great tragedy, beautiful heartbreak.

    Stunning bliss.

    This is just a personal observation so feel free to ignore it.

    Keep writing and I hope to one day read the final version of this great poem.

    Best Wishes

  3. WOW, AMAZING

    i find it maybe a little bit too long, like some of the lines can be cut but amazing poem!

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 3 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.