What do you think of this one??

Question

Lost in our concealed thoughts,

Digging inside our fears.

Do save us from ourselves,

With our comforting tears.

Memories scorch the mind,

But never mend the heart.

Let's reset the present,

And move back to the start.

The Ferris wheel can wait,

Itself to twirl around.

Now it's our time to say,

Goodbye to what we've found.

It's the infinite string,

That life have tied to us.

Oh, the lessons it wrapped,

Inside the hour glass.

But one thing we can't stand,

Is learning to let go.

How to really push through,

All the hidden sorrow.

Answer 1

I love it.

It tells what happens when our hearts have been broke and are forced to move forward.

How many of us have truly been there....

good job

Answer 2

It sounds really nice. Its a very good poem about missing someone or letting them go. It sounds very gentle and nice.

Answer 3

i really liked it it wasnt from your head i sounded like it was straite from your heart it wa beautiful

10_10

Answer 4

I absolutely love it! Do you have any more?

Answer 5

Some areas don't exactly rhyme, but a well-written poem. I like it :)

Answer 6

It is really good! you have natural talent-keep writing. It's also not to depressing, like some of the other ones, it's just the right amount. Thanx for sharing this!

Answer 7

I love it. A++++++

Answer 8

The best poem I have read all evening. It was very mellow, and didn't stir any fear, or dislike. I think this poem is genuine, and some of the imagery is somewhat outthere, and hard to concept, but infinite string is not a concept to imagine, its actually impossible to imagine. Still I enjoyed this poem from begining to end.

I give it a

9

Answer 9

Here goes.

You have the syllyble count perfect with 6 syllables per line.

A bit of problem with rhyme/no rhyme, but that can be worked through rather easily.

The roughest part is the fact that although it is trimeter, it switches from iambic to trochaic and back again several times.  

Da Dah Da Dah Da Dah = iambic

Dah Da Dah Da Dah Da = trochaic

Da Dah Dah Da Dah Da = confusion.

Doesn't mean it's bad, just means it can be better.

Try this to get a better understanding of metered writing and reading.  It's my personal reference page.

http://www.uncg.edu/~htkirbys/meters.htm

Not my page, just the one I refer to.

Answer 10

It is very pretty. Nice flow, imagery, and keeps the reader interested from start to finish. Thanks for sharing.

Answer 11

I like it