What do you think of this poem? #2?

Question

"Your Broken Promise"

You said you'd always be there for me

You promised never to leave

You said I could rely on you forever

Our ties, you promised never to sever

But I guess I've been replaced

You won't even look me in the face

It's like I'm a piece of trash

As disgusting to you as corned beef hash

Once she came into the picture, I was thrown away

Even though you said that we were okay

I knew something had changed you

You left me for something anew

She can't love you like I can

She's only another fan

In time, you'll see what she really is

As uncertain as soda fiz

So go and have fun with her

She's not going to treat you well, Sir

You are now her tool; she just wants your money

I loved you before the riches; isn't that funny?

So when you realize that she's fake

Go ahead, get rid of her; use a rake

But don't think you can come running back to me

You broke your promise, don't you see?

Answer 1

I like it A lot, but you can really cut out a lot of words.

Like in the beginning, don't say "YOU" as much, because it becomes repetitive!

Instead:

You said you'd always be there for me

Promised never to leave

Said I could rely on you forever

Our ties, you promised never to sever

She can't love you like I can

Only another fan

In time, you'll see what she really is

As uncertain as soda fiz

But really good work!

Answer 2

Hayy Girl you have some talent :)

that was honestly beautiful and touching

i really like it.

Do you like write poems for a living or just do them for fun because you should really write more