What do you think of this poem? Help, yes!?

Question

What I have- the dreams that leave me waiting,

A second from this reality.

To be left so cold;

T o die without slipping from formality.

My sight away; yet so close,

A vision through the shadow- through a foggy mist.

Awaiting to rise,

Awaiting the final kiss.

The question of my being-

Is to wake me up inside.

The dance upon my heart-

To save me from my life.

The secrets my dreams carry-

Are wishing to fall-

For that's all our rain is anyway,

A love to enthrall.

Eh. I suppose it's okay.

Answer 1

yeah, i agree. i hear rhythm in the beginning and the end, but something else needs to clearly happen in the middle. a climax, if you will.

Answer 2

You're right. It's okay. It is a very maturely written poem and the rhymes are pretty clever BUT the poem is lacking an overall BANG feature. But still it is very well written.