What do you think of this poem I just wrote? Be honest please! I'm 18, by the way.?

Question

"Memories flood my mind

Of you and I,

Together.

You said we'd stay friends till the end,

And that you'd be here,

Forever.

Now i'm here,

And it's just me;

I've been waiting by the phone.

For a call to say

That you're on your way,

And that i'll never be alone.

But I know that call will never come,

And that i'll never hear from you...

And the memories that you have left,

Will soon fade away from me too.

But just like you,

They'll never leave.

They're imprinted on my heart;

And just as long as my heart beats,

We'll never really be apart..."

Answer 1

the important thing is that it means something to you. But it is very cliche and sounds like every poem that gets posted on YA with the question "what do you think of my poem?"

Answer 2

It seems quite cliche sorry

Reminds me of Avril Lavigne's song When You're Gone. I like that song.

Answer 3

Not good. It is completely fine to not rhyme in a poem but don't do it all of a sudden in the last two lines....It seems sloppy.

here is my expertise advice

listen up real good and nice- for I shall not repeat it twice:

next time you are left by one

and the relationship is good and done

express your feelings someway at home

but please PLEASE dont write a poem.

Answer 4

It's cliche.

Answer 5

although its good. its good in the way of every other teenagers lovesick poems. it is good but isnt going to stand out admidst every other poem about unrequited love etc.

try using abstract metaphors that are oxymoronic and include some enjambment and maybe work personifacation into the poem.

make the tradgedy stand out.

Answer 6

I think I read this one before. j/k  You got some potential, but this is like in poetry books already. I kinda don't understand this:

"And the memories that you have left,

Will soon fade away from me too.

But just like you,

They'll never leave.

They're imprinted on my heart;"

It's contradicting itself.

Keep working on writing different poems though. Try to change your vocabulary as well, words you're using is a little too simple. I see where you're going with it. But its a little too common.

Good luck!

Answer 7

AWESOME!!!!

Answer 8

Oh that was awesome. that's a really good poem. Seriously I think you have alot of talent. Hope you continue to post. =)

Answer 9

is good