What do you think of this poem? if you could call it that...lol?

Question

This is pretty much my first. I just started writing. How does it sound? A start atleast? Can anyone help me make it better? Any suggestions?

Who am I?

Where am I?

I thought I knew.

I'm not the girl I used to be.

I'm jaded.

I want her back.

I want to cry without trying.

I want to expect to NOT get hurt.

I want to let someone inside these walls I put up around me, without wondering how much damage will be done when they're in.

I want someone to see the me I used to be.

She's there somewhere.

She has to be....

Answer 1

Try rhyming or something to make it flow better.

Answer 2

for a beginner this poem rocked!! i dont think it needs to rhyme....its preti awsum the way you made it, u really need to keep writing and then when you have enuff you shud write a book.....its really good.....i might be writer myself, but i think you beat me in poems girl!!! email back

Answer 3

this is very good i like it

Answer 4

The message and the flow of writing remind me of the lyrics of a song more than a poem. But, it is very good and perfect for teenagers. Since in that time of our lives we strive to consider who we truly are. A wonderful start, keep writing!