What do you think of this poem???

Question

"Someone Else"

I talk to you, but your not there

your body is but you don't hear

what I say or what I do

it's all invisable to you

I cry and you just look away

but you still beg to stay

I push you off me one more time

I can't do this, this love is a lie

you just want me so you can wake up in my bed

well thats not happening, I'd rather be dead

I'm saving myself for someone other then you

someone who loves me and who's true

so goodbye forever honey

nothing will bring me back, not even money

Your not in this for my heart

your just gonna tare it apart

once your get what you want

I lied when you said I love you alot

so goodbye I'm saving myself

for someone whos true, someone else

So this is goodbye, your just a lie

again and again you lie as I cry

I'm done with you forever more

I don't want you to come to my door

I thought I'd live happily ever after

but now its time to close this chapter....

NOT TOTALLY DONE!!!!!!

But lol ya, whatcha think?

Answer 1

That's really good. It's pretty meaningful. Sounds like you had a boy that just wanted you for 'other things.'

Kinda hard, aint it? writing your feeling is really awesome. It helps express your feeling in a safe way.

Your poem is really good. I liked it alot. Keep writing, try to publish some of it. I'm sure many girls would like that poem.

Answer 2

I'm sorry but I have to say that your poem is very awkward. It's not balance, doesn't relate to the topic, and some of the lines doesn't make sense and it's really confusing.