What do you think of this poem.?

Question

My eyes wonder the dead sea,

Screams…horrific to me.

People fighting towards shore

Trying not to cross deaths door.

Waves catching everyone deeper in sea

Why have the waters done such evil deed?

Innocent children crying.

Some already dieing.

Helpless mothers and fathers,

Alongside other survivors.

I hoped for a dream,

But all I got where screams.

I wanted my eyes to close,

Only To realize they’ve rose.

Life less bodies roamed,

Survivor, who’s help they loaned.

But why help now?

After there is no sound.

Only people’s eyes swelling

from all the dwelling.

Families crying for the dead

For there own life’s they regret.

No more laughing.

No more enjoying

No more lavishing waves

But Only the lifeless bodies of the brave.

Answer 1

That is really, really good.

Wow. You definitely have a way with words.

Answer 2

Its not too bad. From the sound of this I am guessing you are around 13.  Try to vary the rhyme scheme a bit, the AA, BB, CC ... gets repetitive. What is this about?

Answer 3

Well, it doesn't flow that well (in my opinion). The lines are all short, which works at times, but I don't think it works here. A few lines just sound like fillers to keep it going and produce greater length.

I would suggest trimming it, maybe re-wording a few things, too. Still use metaphors and denotative words and all that jazz, but stick to your overall story line or message.

It has great potential

(and this is just my opinion)