What do you think of this poem/song?

Question

Let's Change...Hollywood?!

golden gossip and thick lies

fake smiles you can't deny

fast heartbeats and cold sweat

glamor...prada...lets jet

sick of the same old people

the same old people are sick of me

lets change this place for good

make a different hollywood.

red dresses and high heels

penguin suits and movie deals

mugshots and photoshop

realtiy shows about cops

lets make some calls

get hollywood on the phone

change can be good

espically for hollywood

no more breakups

no more makeup

all i want is the truth

not another spoof

lets change it.

soooooo tell me if you like it or not! thanks! i'm only 13 so be nice :)

Answer 1

For a start, I think it's great you're writing at a relatively young age.  It's a great way to improve your writing skills and just get whatever might be on your mind off your chest.

I really like the first verse - your use of "golden gossip" and "thick lies" is really evocative of that sort of gross Hollywood image that you're talking about.  I like the "sick of the same old people / the same old people are sick of me" lines, too -- they flow well and sound cool, although how exactly that relates to Hollywood I'm not totally sure (unless you are writing as part of that scene - i.e. as if you're Lindsay Lohan herself, or something like that! Hehe).

I like the second verse, too, especially the references to mugshots and photoshop, seeing as those are regular features of Hollywood these days!  However, I would say the "reality shows about cops" line is a bit forced -- it seems like it's there for the rhyme alone and doesn't have much to do with the real Hollywood commentary.

The ending is quite good, but to be honest not as strong as the beginning.  You might try keeping your lines longer here, like in the first couple of verses, since the end seems quite fast-paced compared to those earlier lines.  You might also try ending on some very powerful imagery.... something along the lines of "let's burn this city down," or anything else that will leave the reader with an extreme thought/image, so that the ending is as strong as the beginning.  Try to tap into that clever language that you use early on (the golden gossip, thick lies, fake smiles stuff) and bring that up here as well.

Anyway, that's just my two cents -- but I definitely like it as is, and I think you could make it even better.  Keep writing -- it seems like you have a lot of potential to be good at it!

Answer 2

Sweet... Really , not only bcoz ur only 13 but even bcoz its really nice...=)

Answer 3

FLIP THE SCRIPT (IN HOLLYWOOD)

Sun glassed eyes

The Red Carpet lies

Soaring to new heights

Your name in lights

Love scene kiss

Is part of the biz

Vera Wang and black high heels

Penguins suits and movie deals

The Walk Of Stars on Sunset Strip

The casting calls and movie scripts

This is your life in Tinseltown

Where paparazzi chase you down

Fake your image flash your smile

Your famous but your in denial

Silver screens

50's movie queens

Sing, dance, act

Studio contract

Change your name

That's the cost of fame

5 picture deals

Live in Beverly Hills

Late night dining at Ciro's

Music at the Hollywood Bowl

The decadence and TV shows

Drinks at The Whiskey A Go-Go

The presure makes you lose your mine

Washed up on Hollywood and Vine

Just when all your dreams come true

Your public has forgotten you

MacCauley Culkin isn't home alone

Rod Sterling isn't in my twilight zone

You're aging fast as time flies by

Your star has faded from the sky

Make up break up tell me the truth

Action drama comedy spoof?

Elizabeth Taylor, Anthony Quinn

Losing hair and droopy skin

Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino

Is it real life or a movie role?

Demi Moore and Rosanna Arquette

Shirley MacLaine and Suzanne Pleshette

Leslie Warren and Ellen Barkin

Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren

Clint Eastwood and Jimmy Stewart

James Cagney and Humphrey Bogart

Gene Hackman and Morgan Freeman

Sean & Chris Penn and Denzel Washington

The s*x and the lies and the tales are discreet

I could say a lot more but it's time for sleep!