What do you think of this poem written by a 15 year old?

Question

Any constructive poem would be appreciated :]

Also a possible title?

Thank you.

Our blind love constantly comes to mind, love.

You and I combined, you and I intertwined.

We were designed to be a perfect kind.

With you, I was in bliss,

With every touch and every kiss.

This can’t be dismissed, since my feelings still persist.

I know it's dumb of me to keep doing this,

To constantly reminisce.

You always manage to be in my line of vision,

You and me as a beautiful collision.

I wish I didn’t make such a ****** up decision.

I just want the world to reset because losing you is my one regret.

I’m upset, and I just want to forget.

Give me the alcohol and the cigarettes.

No, I don’t want to forget a single emotion

Or both of our devotions despite outside commotion.

Answer 1

You have a very good way of expressing your thoughts on the subject of the poem, but the only thing that I would recommend improving is the poem's flow.  When writing rhyming poetry, you have to pay *very* close attention to the number of syllables that you use in each line.  Even two or three unmatched lines can throw an entire poem off if it distracts the reader too much.  Other than that, I really liked your use of in-line rhyming, as well as traditional rhyming (line by line).  Had you not told me that a 15-year-old wrote this, I probably would not have guessed;)  The way this poem is written is as if its based on truth.  I don't know if it's about you, but if it is, I hope that relationship works out!