What do you think of this preface?

Question

Missing Persons. Two words that subconsciously scare us all. Along with the sentence: Have you seen me? Only because of the fear you might know the face. And thinking of how someone isn't sleeping because their baby is missing. The awful terrors that can manifest in oneself causing the worst thoughts. But what if there was something more to the missing persons of the world? Besides the actual rapes, murders, and kidnaps? But more importantly, what if you were next? What if there was a very real possibility that someday there'd be a flyer with your picture and this horrible sentence: Have you seen me?

Answer 1

It sounds interesting. Even though I'm not that big a mystery fan, and this strikes me as mystery/thriller, I would most definitely read on. After editing, of course. If something is not well-written, no matter how good the story is, I don't usually get into the story.

Do you mind if I edited it for you?

Answer 2

it's kind of scary. i don't think i've ever really thought of it that way. but it makes me want to read on.

Answer 3

It's really really good! Scary and very well written.

Answer 4

I sounds wonderfully intriguing. It draws the reader in and makes them wonder what is next. However, watch out for the excessive number of sentences begining with "but" and "and". There are also a lot of sentences that are only fragments and not complete sentences. I realize that a lot of novels these days do not follow the rules of grammar 100%... meaning that incomplete sentences are being accepted more and more. However, there should be few of them. Try rewording some of the sentences to make them complete and possibly make some of them statements instead of all questions. Otherwise, good job.

Answer 5

I think this is a great Preface for a book. I would definitely read on. Maybe you could e-mail me the link (if you post it online)