What do you think of this press release? Will it get the job done?

Question

Better than real senior discounts are no joke at the I-MALL

An I-MALL has opened with better than real senior discounts prices for everyone. The owners of http://Realseniordiscounts.com are saying, ”We think we have more variety and better prices than anyone online!”

The concept to the I-MALL is based on click and shop through secure networks. The stores are name brand, filled with heavily discounted merchandise and all are open 24 hours. The owners have added amusements for the shopper as they browse through the stores. “There is nothing boring about shopping at the I-EVERYWHERE MALL”, explains one of the owners, “and the better than real senior discounts are enormous!”

Variety is everywhere when you browse through the stores. Clothing, gaming, jewelery, foot wear, software, coupons and big discounts are just samples of the massive selection here at the I-MALL. “The parking is free, the shopping is fun, and you never know what you’ll find or who you’ll see browsing for those better than real senior discounts!”, say the owners.

There is new construction going on everyday, with new stores opening regularly. Everyone can shop at the I-EVERYWHERE MALL and get the discounts.

Contact:

email [e-mail]

http://Realseniordiscounts.com

Answer 1

I read the press release and nothing that was said in it made we want to check out this website. So I go to this website just to see what it is about, for this answer anyway. And this site looks like a poor excuse for a online store. I would be more worried about keeping the people on the website then this press release. They don't even have a search engine to find something you may be looking for in particular. Scrolling down its like going to view just banner adds. The website needs a lot of improvement to get people to use it.    

Answer 2

No, sorry, this doesn't work.  First of all, the grammar is off, and if no one knows what real senior discounts are, then no one will know what better than real senior discounts are.

The slogan "Better than real senior discounts are no joke at the I-MALL" doesn't make any sense at all, especially since the rest of the news release doesn't continue the theme of "no joke".  Why would anyone think "better than real senior discounts" would be a joke?

Although, as I said, no one would know what real senior discounts were, so maybe they would think your slogan was funny.