What do you think of this!!??!?

Question

Should i show frind this poem:

You can see him, walking down the hall,

You like him so much you hope not to fall.

You walk past each other, smile and gaze...

Oh those wonderful days.

But now you sit at home 100 miles away,

And almost cry about it everyday.

You both talk so much, and do video chats too!

If only he knew how much he means to you.

You can't say I love you, though you really do.

He always says he loves you,

You just say "ya you to."

Your friends with his sisters, they are 12 and 14.

They are some of the coolest girls you have EVER seen.

You once kissed his cousin, but that was as a dare,

You know the one that gave you a scare.

Now everyday you sit at home, talking to his sisters on the phone.

You miss him so much,

Rarely do you experience pain as such.

All those good memories.

The memories you will always cherish and keep.

Of course you understand the here I am "you."

And Job this poem is written for and about you, i love you too.

Answer 1

The poem captures young love very well.  The blossoming and feal of those feelings that keep you behind a wall of "ya, you too."

Notes:

I is still capitalized and should be in this poem because every line is capitalized along with other words within the poem.

Should i show frind this poem: <-- friend? fiend? find? whatever, it does need the proper structure.

Also, it seems that you have forced rhyme throughout.

the here I am "you."  <--- ???

T.

Answer 2

Thank you for the comment, but I've seen you advertise your question on so many boards I don't know if I believe you. Please stop advertising your link or I'll report it as spam.

I do like your poem though. You're very talented.=]

Answer 3

Its awesome. I think i should start doing poems again.

Answer 4

Wow. That was really REALLY good.

=]

I enjoyed reading it.

Answer 5

The good thing about poetry is that it can allow us to reveal things we want to say outside of our courage to tell people directly otherwise.  I like the poem and it might take some courage for you to send it to him but I say go for it.

Answer 6

Work on your flow and choice of words and spelling and etc.

This poem is just below mediocre....

Answer 7

ya you should show it!

Answer 8

very nice

Answer 9

You have a marvelous talent in expressing yourself.  You do your generation honor.  By posting this poetry - you will also be reaching them - in a way - that you may not even be aware.  Someone may feel bad - and your poem gives them the feeling - that you may understand.  That can be very important. Keep up the good work ♥

Answer 10

woo nice, I think you should show this to your friend. :)

Answer 11

I love it!

i would though suggest changing the line "You once kissed his cousin, but that was as a dare"

to, "You once kissed his cousin, but that was a dare" I think it flows better without the "as" in there.

Answer 12

Sorry, don't wish to be negative, and I'm not criticising the sentiments expressed, but it is really poor. However, I would assume that you're still very young and you may improve with trial and effort. Keep trying.

Answer 13

That was MARVELOUS. Your great. You must love poems. Can you write another one. One day hopefully you will be a poet. Ask God for help and he'll do it. You should write more poems. God Job again. Will you  answer my question and rate my question or answer. :-)

Answer 14

Good. I liked it .Keep them coming. Its" I suppose" like therapy.

Answer 15

That's pretty good...