What do you think of this??

Question

Rate this poem if you can....I wanna see where I am with my writing....

Johnny.

I broke the habit of smoking

I broke the habit of Video games.

but I can't seem to break the pull

your heart on me.

Picking up our kid from my place

I can't help but look at your face

Those light blue eyes show no emotion

no love

Slipping on your gloves, you and Johnny

step out into te cold, snowy sky

Why?

Johnny our boy, he's so innocent

playing with his toys

he's young, but old enough

to understand what's going on.

He takes me by the hand

and tells me if you and me have

a plan to get back togethter

If you were to see the way

He looked at me

It wasn't easy for me to look him in the eye

and try not to cry

Of course I know we broke up

We said it was going to be for good now

but Johnny he needs us together

don't you see?

Don't call me selfish

you think you know me?

this would ber good for us/

Second chances are best

in this situation

I won't let it rest

Answer 1

I thought it was very pretty.

I cried...

It was simply beautiful.

Answer 2

there's a little spelling error

this would ber good for us/

other than that it was great

Answer 3

I really liked it. I'd give it a 7 out of 10.

Answer 4

awww... i like that! haha, but you need to edit it a bit. there is a spelling error around the top and then the:

Don't call me selfish

you think you know me?

this would ber good for us/

yeah...  the last line of that needs some fixing...

Answer 5

Scale of 1 -10, maybe a 2. I'm not trying to be harsh, but this reads more like a diary entry than a poem.  Try to keep in mind your readership:  what do you think is compelling about these words/images/lines that warrant anyone's reading it?