Question:

What do you think of this small scene I wrote? (and, what are good names?)?

by  |  earlier

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What’s wrong?” He asked me.

“I’m scared.” My voice was shaky and could hardly level to that of a whisper.

“Don’t be.” I tried to find his eyes, but the moon was hidden behind the clouds and I could barley see the outline of them. His eyes were a golden color. “I’ll protect you.” His voice sent me away to Heaven; I scooted closer to him, my mummy sleeping bad making a funny noise as it rubbed against the floor of our tent.

A tree’s branch scraped against the side of the tent and I jumped out of my skin in fear of what it might be. “It’s alright, I’m here, I promise nothing will hurt you.” He unzipped part of his own mummy sleeping bag and put his arm around me. I got closer to him. He felt so warm, his hand made it’s way up my arm, then found my hair and started to run through it.

A wolf seemed to be scraeming at me. I tensed, my head now right by his chest. His sweater was a dark black color so I couldn’t really see it, I could only see the outline. His chin rested on the top of my head, I tried to get closer to him, but we were already as close as we could get. “It’s alright.” I relaxed; even if he was lying to me it felt reassuring.

My arm was out of my sleeping bag and lying on my side. He stopped running his hand through my hair and found my hand. Are fingers entwined and it felt like this moment would never end, like time had frozen over in this perfect moment.

My stomach was twirling, and nothing could ruin this moment, I thought.

When he breathed out the air would go down the back of my shirt, it felt warm, and I could almost feel the peppermint sent in his breath. I matched my breathing with his; he smelt good. We had been camping here for a week and he still smelt good. I could smell the smallest bit of fire on him, from the smoke the fire let out. I could smell a million different trees and bugs and waters and grasses on him. He smelt like a forest of his own.

Something moved behind me and he stiffened his hold on me. My fingers clung to his as fast as his tightened around mine. His arm was around my stomach and I knew that if we needed to run, he could haul me up and take off with me in his arms. I felt safe with him. Complete. “Get some rest. You’ve been up for two days now.” He spoke the words through my hair. “ I’m worried about you, and I wont be able to sleep until I know that you are having sweet dreams.”

I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. I wanted to kiss him, to hold onto him forever, but the moment passed all to quickly.

The tent ziper went up and a dark figure appeared before us glooming down upon us, we were facing death in the eye.

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2 ANSWERS


  1. really sweet and interesting. fix the grammar and writing errors. otherwise it's good and i'm mad not b/c i want to know what found them.


  2. Interesting.  I'm not much of a modern romance reader, but then that doesn't sound like just any modern romance.  

    That is very good, it leaves the reader really anxious, and jumping to read more.

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