What do you think of this story i'm writing for my homework? here's what i've written so far.?

Question

As the Earth had spent a few million years catering for a group of about 6 billion or so humans for the past few million

years, only to have them leave. It was feeling a bit angry, although, somewhat relieved. It had now planned to spend a while

relaxing, the rest of the animal kingdom could look after themselves, the odd volcanic erruption or a well placed hurricane

would keep them in check if they got out of hand...The Earth fell into a deep sleep.

About 7 light years away 6 billion or so Humans were unpacking on their new planet, although they had been subject to alot of

volcanic erruptions and coincidentally well placed hurricanes nothing would stop them from conquering this new planet, this time

next week they planned to have atleast 70 Starbucks, 30 McDonalds fast food restaurants and perhaps even a fully functioning

sewage system

Answer 1

Is this supposed to sound scientific or hilarious? When you said Starbucks and McDonalds, it's just like you're not serious as you were in the first paragraph.

Answer 2

i think you should improve it so that it would sound better. try to avoid run-on sentences because it would make your story look awkward and the readers would have a hard time understanding it. make some sentences not quite long, you may make them a bit shorter but the details are still there and the essence of the story isn't gone. this is all i could say. i hope i was able to help you. good luck:)

Answer 3

A lot of run-on sentences.

Are you answering the basics with your story? Who? What? Where? When? and most importantly Why?

Basically, what is the purpose of your story.  It is not very clear (except that the world likes volcanoes and hurricanes).

Answer 4

the last bit sounds a bit like wallie

but, everything was in milkshake form

Answer 5

I think it's great! I like how the human race is portrayed as a single group/family. They are destined to make the SAME mistakes too it seems. What grade are you in?