What do you think of this verse? (Please don't judge me harshly, I'm only 16)

Question

The mighty sound of death’ cruel trumpet soon

Will quake with doom our earthly home in ruin

And fate’s unkind hand will pluck all our souls

To spread them beneath the pious light of moon

Whose weeping eyes and praying face of white,

Watch with woe and wish us god’s kindly boon

My shallow footsteps shall fade in the night

O you that made me, bless my sinful sight

Shroud my corpse from your burning fiery wrath

Immerse me in your faith-waved sea of light

Rhyming scheme: AABACACCDC

Answer 1

Very nice, sounds and flows like a quality poem.  

I'm only an amateur myself, but often I look at poem for their content, their meaning.  To be a bit critical, I say you start off your poem with death as being mighty and supreme.  You say this pending destruction is our fate, and we can not escape it.   Then the last five lines you begin to speak of God, as coming into play only after the fact.  I think as you grow older you will see that God has a greater effect on us on this side of eternity.

....but again, a great poem, and I look forward to seeing more from you.

Answer 2

its cute..=]

Answer 3

What's up with your poetry?  Did you really write this?  

Answer 4

its nice.......very good.....good is not enough......its excellent,outstanding,fantastic........a teenager with such wonderful,thoughfut,pretty thinking........keep writing.......u can be the great poet.......finish it soon.......

thanks for such a good poem

Answer 5

Lulleh, I enjoyed this verse, however incomplete, greatly.  Your metrical flow is much improved.  I would make a few amendments to address these issues in what is otherwise an excellent beginning.  Suppose instead that you were addressing your pleas to the goddess Selene:



The mighty blast of death's fell trumpet soon

Will flood and leave our earthly home in ruin,

And cruel Fate's blind and hard, unsparing hand

Will reap her harvest 'neath a grieving moon.

Alas, Selene, with shim'ring face so white

Who watch and wish our lot your saving boon,

Ere fated footfalls fade in dark of night

Bestow your blessing and relieve my plight,

That I might wake from slumbers to your grace --

And be transfixed with wonder at your sight.

You are indeed a remarkable 16.  Stay well and write often.