What do you think of when love fades?

Question

when love fades:

Once just a few memories ago

we were in love, we had the flow

you could see how my day had gone

by the light in my eyes, when I got home.

Now it feels like we're miles away

from the love that we shared yesterday

it feels like there's a stranger in my embrace

I can't see our love, in your face

Silence looms like a heavy rain

nothing to fill in those times of pain

there is nothing that I wouldn't do

to get back that love, I had with you

I want to improve on our promise made

I can't bear the empty feeling, of when love fades

Answer 1

It's alright, the rhymes were there, but if you improved on the sentence structure it would've flowed much better and would have a much more emotional impact. Keep working on it.

Answer 2

Hi Laura beautiful poem, the one line that sticks out for me in the --it feels like there's a stranger in my embrace--- so meaningful and just belongs in your poem!  Cheers!!

Answer 3

It is great

Answer 4

aww it is such a relate-able poem. It`s so sad when that happens. I hope you aren't experiencing this. If you are I pray things get better.

I have a few poems in this style but I think yours is better. I might just have to publish a cook book instead of a poetry book. lol

Answer 5

i like it, but its missing emotion. when i read your sentence i felt like it was going to be like a rose which was once given and was soo bright and red, has now faded from red to a whitish purple to white. life is dreary and continues endlessly with no relief. keep at it, let your heart follow...it will come.

Answer 6

ive been answering questions of how ppls poems and they just keep getting better and better. This one is the perfect balance and i JUST LOVE IT!! Its one of the best poems ive heard in a while, maybe because im experiencing the exact same thing in my life right now. Sniffle the poem literally made me cry. It is soo poetic but not far fetched. IT WAS WONDERFUL and i am going to copy and paste it and keep a copy to read from time to time. is that ok???? it was really terrific and if your the one who wrote it your a future hit poet!! Good luck and keep up the INCREDIBLE writing!!

Answer 7

Note to Michael: Make up your mind - you either believe in structure or you don't. You can't have it both ways.

Answer 8

thats killer.