What do you think open adoption really means? Do you agree with open adoption or not?

Question

We're going through adoption now and it seems like open adoption isn't for us. It seems so invasive to let the birthparents have constant contact with your baby/child. Also, I think that a child can become confused when the birthparents are around. But of course we honor them, they are very special people.

Answer 1

i don't really like the idea of open adoption

Answer 2

you have to do what's right in your heart.  i believe in closed adoptions.  why should the bparents get to pop in and out while you do all the work?

Answer 3

i dont think there is anything wrong with open adoption, but it could be difficult and you would have to set up and maintain some boundaries.  do whatever is best for your family.  i know several kids who are adopted and they want to know their birth families.  just make sure your kid knows they are adopted.

Answer 4

Open adoption is your own version of seeing and having contact between the natural parents and the child.  Meaning, it could be daily / monthly / yearly contact - pictures and letters only.  Or just information from you to them.  It's all in what you are comfortable with.

Answer 5

The legal issues of open adoption is that the paperwork and court orders are open for viewing at the courthouse.  It doesn't necessarily mean that there is any planned contact after the baby is born.  The common views of open adoption is that it is open to communication and visitation to both the adoptive and biological parents.  To me, even if a child is placed for adoption, the paperwork should be open.  I believe that overall, it would be easier for adoptees to be able to trace their roots, find siblings, and meet the people who brought them into this world.

As far as visitation goes (and I think there ought to be legally enforceable visitation), I believe that all parties need to work towards the good of the child, not themselves.  For instance, just as in a "normal" custody and visitation agreement in divorce, if the bio parents have been abusive, neglectful, etc, I don't think they ought to have rights.  On the other hand, if a young woman places a child because financially she can't raise the child, and loves the child and wants a life that she knows she'll not be able to provide with a child, she should be able to continually visit the child, and have open communication and contact.

I am an adoptive parent, and I truly wish my son's biological mother would see him more.  She saw him 11 days after he was born (in addition to time in the hospital), and has seen him once since then at a funeral.  She saw us in a Walmart store once, and turned and went the other direction quickly to avoid us.  The bio dad does call pretty often, and his mother visits, and his daughter (15) is planning a visit with the grandmother, and I am thrilled that my son can meet his extended family!  It breaks my heart that his bio mom has so many problems, including not wanting to ever get a job (in 6 years, 2 kids), uses meth (not very often, but once is too often-my son was born addicted), and she's pregnant again (my son is only 9 months old).  

A lot of adoption is invasive.  I didn't like social workers inspecting my car, asking for my driver's license, looking in my kitchen cabinets, and under my bathroom sink, and asking me about every issue of my life, past, present, and future plans.  The result is soooooo worth it, and I adore my son.  I'd love to adopt again, and have started the process for both private adoption (if I can be introduced to a child that needs a home again), and I've had another home study done by the state, to go through the foster parenting courses.  I believe that when a woman is pregnant, and wishes to place her child, that she move in with the family, and get to know them, and let the baby hear their new family's voices.  Our son's first mom did this with us, and it was so wonderful.  That way, I know that he can frown just like her, and his chin is just like his dad's.  From getting to know them, I know that there are so many inherited traits that he gets and where he gets them from.  I also believe that the more people who love a child, the better, and that honesty from day 1 is so much better than a child being shocked from a cousin in a fight and finding out they were adopted that way!

Answer 6

This is SO dependent upon the two families.  It also depends upon how much involvement each wants.  Distance can also be a factor.