What do you think..???

Question

well....this is one of my songs....and is devoted 2 one special person....and i would like to share with all of you...what do you think??

When I look in to your eyes

I see myself, I see the truth

I see us holding hands

Kissing in my flower garden

Lying on the grass, hugging until the end

Tears are falling

Happiness is growing

I feel you, I need you,

I see you, I kiss you.

I’m living in your embrace

Sleeping in your hands

My life is yours

Take it, keep it

You are a peace of art

One magic person

Living in a holly body.

I don’t wanna see the end

I hope is far.. far away

Coz I’ll die, it will kill my soul

It will stop my heart

Like pure summer rain

Trying to stay on the ground.

2umlw(L)

Answer 1

bad!

Answer 2

It's like multiple bursts of joy. So much happiness and rebirth of love deserves no ending or comparison of sadness at all. One should only sacrifice in a life and death situation and for the many and not just for one. You last six lines are the very defeat of all that you worshiped in this person and the body returns to dust, but the soul is eternal. The sun will not let rain stay on the ground. The process of evaporation will not keep summer rain on the ground much less the lake or ocean for that matter! Fantasy is a good thing when in love, but it can also be dangerous. Make feelings of love a reality, otherwise your subjective audience are leary of your intentions... Grade  B -

Answer 3

its iffy

its not bad buts it not the best ive read

correct spelling and grammar will help it flow more easily, it felt like i was trying to tread tar ankle deep just reading it

Answer 4

well is okay but it dosent sound like a song

Answer 5

eh, make some adjustments and you will be okay..

Answer 6

It might be a little too romantic for my taste but I can tell that that is a good poem, except do you mean living in a holly body or a HOLY body?

Answer 7

ok never mind what the others are saying about this poem, because obviously they dont exactly get the point in it, like dont get the point at all, honestly i really loved reading it, i can see that you have great talent in writing poems, keep up the good work...

*hugzzzz* =]