What do you think when you hear?

Question

Okay.. this is a legitimate question trying to get everyone's opinion

if you hear a girl talking on this forum about giving up her baby for adoption and someone throws in their answer

"How many vultures do you have emailing you asking for your baby?"

would you see that as

(A) an expression of disdain for the infant adoption "system" in America

or

(B) disdain for Paps and Aps

THis question courtesy of Sunny..

Answer 1

I did not read the comments in questions, so I am hoping I can give a completely unbiased opinion.

II would pick option (c) None of the above...

The mother was just asking a question about adoption, not soliciting prospective adoptive parents. I would think she is coming here for some honest advice and suggestions and feels she can get the honesty because of the anonymity of Y/A she is probably very scared about what she is going through and does not feel comfortable talking to family and friends. So many people look down on young/single parents but there are also so many that look down on parents thinking about giving a child up for adoption. So, a person asking a question here is not looking for a barrage of emails from people wanting her baby. She just wants honest answers to her question.

Answer 2

To be honest, I have seen written replies to pregnant women telling them that they would love to adopt their baby.

I have also seen a pregnant woman asking that pap's stop emailing her.

I have also seen a pregnant woman answer the question "how many people have emailed you wanting your baby?"  I can't remember exact words but she said something like many.

Because of those reasons i don't find it offensive because i know i am not one nor would i ever be one of those pap's.

Answer 3

I see it as a "Missed" chance to help educate people...

Name calling and hateful statements do not promote positive communication and I am sure that some people would have much more positive results with making their positions known if they could simply find a way to communicate without the need to add hateful words.

Some people come here with misguided--uneducated and off track ideas.... Rather that assult these people it could be possible to help them discover the other side of the issue if they were not attacked right out the gate....

I wonder how many people have simply Left completely due to hateful remarks and words rather then spent the time to gain a new attitude....

And I also find it funny that when I bring up treating the people on YA with a bit of respect the Attack turns to "Isn't it supposed to be about the child?"

Duh....and if anyone wanted to help some of these people have a better attitude with thier children or with adoption in general they would recognize that not every post here is For the Child but being supportive and helping that Child's parents have a new attitude IS ABOUT THE CHILD....

So....toss the mud in the parents faces and imagine how that really helps the children????

Calling an interested PAP a Vulture or telling a pregnant woman that PAP's are Vultures Hardly Promotes a Positive Exchange of Information....and simply drives people away from even wanting to listen or consider the implications of their own ignorant choices or behaviors....

a little honey can go a long way.

Answer 4

You put way too much thought into what others here say - thinking that everything that is said is about you.

Seriously.

Stop taking every little thing so personally.

Your name was NOT put into those quotes - anywhere - yet you took it personally.

(they may have been added later - but only after you rant and rave)

Here - you call someone out - the intent is clear.

Many here read far more widely than Y!A - and hear plenty out in the wide web from PAP's screaming out for babies however they can.

And - unless you are completely blind - there have been OODLES of questions here - and answers - just asking anyone for a baby NOW.

Many are deleted after they are reported - as it is not allowed.

We do not live in a vacuum here - and many here seek information from far and wide - and comment from their experience from many more places.

Remember to breathe. Perhaps even take a break.

Just please - move on - it's often not personally about you.

Stop making such a fuss.

Answer 5

Umm...if you are not solicting for babies, then why are you letting Sunny's question and answers get to you? I do agree with Sunny on some points..That is if an adoptive parent solicts for a baby they can be opening themselves up for a world of hurt. Meaning they could get scammed, on top of that it could be illegal to obtain the infant in this way. I encourage all adoptive parents to go by the legal means of adopting and not to email unsure expectant mothers over the internet, you don't know what you could be getting yourself into.

Answer 6

People who e-mail unsure expectant mothers are going about adoption in an unethical way, IMO.  I believe infants should be raised with their mothers barring abuse, profound neglect, or addiction.

I have had e-mail exchanges with these mothers, and they have told me they get plenty of e-mails from women who have 'waited so long' for a baby, and are 'looking for a birthmother'.

I was talking about this type of PAP.  If that's not YOU, why are you so upset?  And my e-mail is open, should you feel the need to discuss this further, unless you derive happiness from shaming me publicly.

Answer 7

the person in particular hates everything about adoption.  The terms will be wrong, the fact that people want to have a family means that they're mentally unstable, the fact that someone makes a CHOICE to relinquish their child is horrible and hterefore, must have been coerced.

Many of hte people on this board seem to share those feelings and have no problem calling out others who disagree with.  

I believe that calling paps "vultures" is extremely insulting.  I did not find your question insulting but rather one trying to figure out where everyone is coming from.  As someone else noted in previous questions, it lets you know how much credit to give someone's answer or rather to immediately discredit them.  This is the same thing.

Answer 8

I think the answer to the above is BOTH A and B.

To those who continually express their disdain for the adoption system:  has it never occurred to you that in many cases, the birth mothers are aiding and abetting the corruption by being allowed to CHOOSE the birthparents?  Are they always choosing the families who would be the most loving and caring and competent parents?  Or are they going with the most affluent, the ones with the most "stuff," who will dress their baby in designer clothes and send him/her to private school?

I agree that there are things in the system that should be different.  But the birth mothers are not ALWAYS the innocent victims you make them out to be!  Perhaps the best thing to be said for international adoption is that in the majority of cases, the governing authority of the country in question matches the children with the parents.  There is no "choosing" on either side.

Answer 9

B, ofcourse I an biased because I am a proud adoptive parent.

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Sunny- How do these "vultures" get the emails?  Because SOME of the natural mothers ARE soliciting offers.

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Possum, It's hard to not take certain hurtful statements personally from any point of the triad... especially since adoption is such a personal issue.

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Phil- If the tables were turned, and she said that sunny was being "oversensitive" there'd probably be the same reaction, just vice versa.

Answer 10

I think you're totally pot stirring and I wonder if you're in highschool. You seem to flock to drama? how old are you shellp? I ask this as a legitimate question. I need to know if i'm dealing with an adult here or someone in highschool?

I don't think sunny was referencing EVERY SINGLE PAP here, i think she was referencing those who lurk and prey on pregnant woman. I have been told by pregnant mothers I've emailed with that they HAVE been sent many solicitations by paps who don't even post regularly, they just lurk for the opportunity to find a baby.

Heres a thought, did you email the pregnant girl and ask her if she had any solicitations for her child? I bet she did. It doesn't mean it came from YOU. I personally don't think YOU'd do that. But i do think that you're getting too personally involve or something to take this THAT personal.

If you haven't noticed the soliciting for children on yahoo then you're not reading the questions. It HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

heeeeelllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooo...

Answer 11

I'm sure you know by now you're not entitled to an opinion

it's impossible for u 2 relate to these people

only adoptees can voice and call out other people

they have their own "clique"

ready set go "I declare thumb war"

ETA most of them here suffer from what I like 2 call "Know it all syndrome"

Answer 12

C) block your email and don't respond to any of the emails that you have received from pap's on this board.

Because as soon as a women who is expecting comes on here and asks a question there are many responses that say "email me as we are looking to adopt and we will take your child"

still trying to see a question

Answer 13

i would think of it as a legitimate answer.

Answer 14

A & B

Edit: Also, I don't see how this is "attacking" or calling out Sunny. I don't see any name calling or insulting. Just a question that was evolved from an answer of another users. Since when is that "attacking"?

Answer 15

Neither. I see it as a complete disrepect for the question.

Answer 16

I see it as pointing out the elephant in the room usually not talked about.

You have no idea how many people will approach an expectant woman in crisis and say in passing or aggressively that they will take the baby if she doesn't want it.  It's like people coming out of the woodwork to adopt a safe haven baby that has been abandoned that have never before considered adoption or the implications of raising an adopted child.

Many expectant women who are considering adoption are in survival mode trying to make heads or tails of the impending decision, to have someone point out that it's really not okay for people to be emailing her like that... well it's absolutely something that should be done.  Being fully informed of the implication of choosing adoption and how people will take advantage of these women should be a high priority.

Answer 17

i read and posted on the question where that was posted.... i would have to go with "B", some people on this forum just seem to want to make adoption to be an evil thing....

you never know where your going to make an adoption match.

Answer 18

Honestly, I hear both.  Definitely disdain for the system that creates a sense of entitlement in people who "want" the perfect baby, so that they feel perfectly fine about emailing a pregnant woman asking for her baby (PUKE!).  But also, disdain for PAP's who have that sense of entitlement, and haven't realized how sickening it is that they honestly think there's nothing wrong with asking someone "can I have your baby?"