What do you think when you see peoples scars from cutting ones self?

Question

okay well i feel embarrassed when people see my scars cause i used to cut myself.... i have recently stopped but i still want to do it sometimes but its hard not to.. i accidentally went to deep on one and the scar is horrible and i try to cover it up as best as i can but its too far down on my forearm when i wear short sleeve shirts and when people ask i just say i fell but they always stare at it and it makes me feel like a freak which i think i am but i just want to know why do people think its bad too?

Answer 1

People look at scars because it is not part of "normal" society. You can think about the fact that people who are sleeved (tattoos from shoulder to wrist) get looked at the same way.

If it makes you feel better . .  .I live in a small town (27,000 people). I am a therapist in town so I am known when I go out. I also am a cutter. I have many (more than 15) deep and long (shortest is 5 inches longest 11 inches) scars on my arms that are still pink and keloided (the scars that are raised up from the skin, they are not smooth at all). These are all at least 3 years old. Because of the way they look I get many many many looks when I go out in short sleeves.

Something that I tell my clients when they are dealing with cutting and trying to feel comfortable with themselves and are wanting to start wearing short sleeves but are unsure about how it will feel, I suggest that they getting some 3/4 sleeve shirts. Many of them are only about 2 inches above the wrists. This provide the covering while showing a little bit of arm. Once they are comfortable with the reactions that they get with that, they can move up to 1/2 sleeves either with buying some more shirts or rolling up the 3/4 sleeve shirts. After they are comfortable they can move on to tee-shirts. If they want to then they can go to tank-tops. I remind them that they can always go back to the longer sleeves and in our 10 months of winter wearing long sleeves is normal.

If they have been cutting on their legs I do it the same way, cropped pants to capri's to burmuda shorts to knee high shorts, and if they want even shorter shorts. Again looking at others will let them follow what length others are wearing.

As for what to do if someone asks what happened, the 2 best responses I have found is "I fell into a barbed wire fence" (this works well here - in the west) or "I worked in a sheet metal plant". Either one of these works well no matter where you are at. If you are in a bigger city I found that the fence works if I put that I was running away from something (they know that the fences around a lot of places have the high fences with the rolled barbed wire around the top). Their responses makes me always laugh.



People have never thought that I was a freak and my clients have never mentioned that either, but I have shared with them my responses and encourage them to come up with some so they are ready if they are asked. And if they feel that someone is staring to long they can just say a response and ask if the person wants to know more. Most of the time the person is to embarrassed to even talk any more.

Trust me, as time goes on and you start to accept your body, you will not be worried as much. I do get worried at times still but I remind myself that I have done a lot of work to get to where I am. I remember that no one else has to live with it but myself so it is me being self conscious more than anyone else.

I hope that this will help or at least let you know that you are not alone.

Best Wishes! ! !

Answer 2

Dont cut ur self!!!

y r u doing tht to ur self?

i dont blame them for looking!

u need help...

u need help with ur self esteem!

dosnt it hurt? omg..

Answer 3

Well it triggers me, it makes me want to cut. You're not a freak, the people who stare are the freaks if they keep stop staring. People think it's bad because they don't understand it, they don't know what goes on....

What, I'm not trying to make people feel bad by saying it triggers me, it's just how I react to seeing scars.....

Answer 4

I think, "how sad that someone needs to feel pain to feel better."

What a perverse way of thinking. I don't know why--and it's none of my business why--but I cant' help thinking that there must be some serious problem somewhere.

You aren't a freak--you've got a mental disorder.

When people ask, you can always just say you cut yourself once--you don't have to tell anyone that you DELIBERATELY cut yourself.

But....anyone who asks about your scars should be politely answered with "why on earth would you think my medical history was any of your business?"  You don't have to be angry, just incredulous. It's NOT their business. you can choose who to tell and who not to. They should have better manners than that--but obviously they don't.  So don't feel obligated to tell them anything that you don't want them to know.

Answer 5

Hey. : )

I can understand that you feel embarassed but honestly it doesn't matter what others say about your scars. The fact that you've stopped is great and if anyone says anything about it I think you should just be upfront with them. People think it's bad because they don't understand why someone would harm themselves on purpose. Most people can't put themselves in someone elses shoes. At the time you were cutting yourself you didn't do it because you wanted attention, but it made you feel good, right? People have different ways of coping with certain things, and don't think for a minute you're a freak, because you're most definitely not. People can learn from your experiences and if you ever feel comfortable with your scars, I would definitely suggest you sharing your stories with people, because they can learn a lot from you.

: )

Answer 6

Your not a freak, I try to hide my scars, but it is so hot here in summer I would look more stupid wearing long sleeves, so I make excuses for them, saying I fell, but I always wear trousers to hide the ones on my legs, I hate the thought of people seeing them, hopefully they will fade and not be so noticeable.

Answer 7

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of someone with your problem is sadness. Sadness for the person because they are lost in finding their purpose. You're not finding what your purpose is in life because you are completely focused on what issues you have. You're allowing your problems to get the best of you. You need to work on changing your way of thinking and start fighting for yourself. Give yourself the life you deserve. There is a lot of life to get out there and  a lot of fun to be had instead of this darkness in your life. You're not a freak and stop thinking that you are. Life is what you tell yourself it is. It is that simple. Start thinking only positive thoughts in everything you do and see. Find the lesson in the things life brings you and you'll learn to understand why things happen. I don't have all the answers, and I have issues too like all the suffering that children and animals go through but I taught myself to put my burdens in God's hands and He helps me get through it. There are ways for you to release the pain your in and you don't have to punish yourself to do that. If you saw a person cutting themselves like you did, would you just sit and watch and not feel anything for that person? No. You would try to stop this person from hurting themselves and you would feel compassion for them. Well, you deserve the same from yourself. Protect yourself and know that you are worthy and deserving of a great, healthy, happy life. You have control over your life. Put this behind you and try to help other people with this problem. People that have problems learn and relate to people that have been there. You can be strong for yourself and be another person that beats this same issue. You can absolutely 100% get past this, you just have to know that you are worth it. Don't live in the past it will only prevent you from seeing the future. Do you get what I'm trying to get you to see? Change can happen in one second and some changes take a little time but if you really want change you'll start right now. That doesn't mean every day will be easy. So what? Do the right thing anyway. Everyone has areas that they work on. I've been through a long journey. I had an eating disorder, and depression and took 21 pills a day until I took a day to do a self-check and thought, what in the h**l am I doing with my life. I fought for myself and wouldn't except anything less than the best life I could give myself. It's 7 years later and I keep moving forward in my life. I've learned so many things from that journey and the most important lesson I learned was my purpose. I get it now and I want you to get it too.  Take care.  

Answer 8

It's natural for people to want to know about scars, though it can be a touchy invasion of privacy to ask... If you catch someone staring, perhaps the truth would be liberating? It would depend on the situation and who it is. Certainly, you don't need to offer information to strangers.

People really don't know what it is, so you feeling like a freak is the result of you KNOWING what you did, and projecting that knowledge onto others. Just don't worry about it. Let people wonder what they will, and live your life in a way that shows you are not that kind of person any more.  

Answer 9

i think its good to stop hiding scars, it shouldn't matter what other people think, showing them shows you got through it, its not as if you want attention...i plan to start wearing short sleeves again once my scars are all white, sometimes seeing other peoples scars trigger me tho...

Answer 10

you're not a freak the way i se it is those are just reminders to you that this is the out come of what you USED to do it in no way reflects the way you are now

Answer 11

First of all I have a daughter who was a cutter and now, Thank God, has found more productive ways to deal with her anxiety and fears. I can also tell you that you are most likely misunderstanding the reasons people are staring at your scars. Believe me the first thing that pops into the average person's mind is not that you cut yourself. THe vast majority of the population is completely unaware their is such a mental disorder as self mutilation. People are insensitive and nosy and usually they just want to hear the gory details of whatever accident, attack,etc. you were in.